“This might be the one,” Dr. Bernard finally says. "Dad, do you want to catch the baby?”
He moves down next to her and blows out a breath. “I’m ready.”
“Alright, Raya. Deep breath. Hold. Push.”
I’m so ready to get this shit over with. I bear down with all my strength, squeeze my eyes shut, and push.
“There we go! Good job, mom. He’s here.”
He?
It’s a boy?
“Babe. He’s perfect.”
I barely even hear Ace. Now, the baby’s crying, and so am I. I just realized at this moment that I must have wanted a girl.
“Okay, cut right there, Ace. Good job, Dad. We’re gonna clean him off, and then you can take him to Mom.”
He’s back by my side, but his eyes are glued to the baby.
It’s already starting.
When he finally pays attention to me, I see he has tears in his eyes. We both burst into tears when our eyes lock, but for different reasons, I’m sure.
“Seven pounds, four ounces!” the nurse calls from the other side of the room.
“He has all his fingers and toes,” Ace reassures, and I frown at that, because I wasn’t aware it was possible that he wouldn’t.
I should have read those books Ace got me.
He leans down to kiss my forehead, then presses his against it. “You did so good. You know that?”
“I guess.”
“Here you go, Dad.”
The nurse hands Ace the baby, and I get my first look at him.
He has a ton of hair, jet black and sleek. He’s a little lighter than the both of us, but I’m thinking his color will come in soonenough. I’ve seen a few pictures of myself as a baby and I was pale, too.
He’s…not cute. Not yet. But most babies are ugly in the beginning. He’s quiet and alert. That’s good, I guess.
“Put him on her chest. It’s good to get skin to skin contact.”
Ace doesn’t ask, he just kinda thrusts the baby into my arms. I wanna tell everybody to slow down, let me breathe, give me a minute to process, but I guess that’s not a luxury new mothers get. So I take my baby and pretend I’m happy.
He’s nice and warm, at least. I stare down at him, then up at my husband, shaking my head before I can stop it.
“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.
I shake my head again. He wouldn’t understand.Idon’t even understand.
I wish he was a girl.
Ace is crying again, but he’s trying to play it cool.
“Should I let Tori in?”
