“If you think you gon’ be in there when she’s pushing, you must be smoking that good shit.”
She studies my face. “We both know I have every right to hate that bitch.”
“Watch your fucking mouth when you talk about her.”
“She blew up my car, Ace.”
“Kamryn. We don’t know that she did anything to your car.”
“We do know!” she says a little too loudly.
So of course my mama comes running up, her lips already fixed to shush us.
“Shhh! What is wrong with you two?”
Kam and I exchange looks. Whatever else is going on, we don’t snitch.
“Kam’s in a bad mood,” I say. “As usual.”
“I’m tired, Mama. I don’t wanna be here, but I don’t wanna miss it.”
My mother’s eyes narrow into slits. “Get your shit together,” she says sharply. “This is my first grandchild. You’re not gonna ruin this for me. Or for Ace. Or Raya. Do you hear me?”
Kam nods.
“Good. Stay out of the way.”
After I handle the TV situation, I head back to the room. A man is in there when I get back, and I quickly figure out that Raya dilated enough to get the drugs she wanted.
I can’t do anything but watch and hold her hand as the anesthesiologist administers the epidural. I remember all of this from when Elijah was born, but that ended up being the worst day of my life, so…I’m on edge right now.
After he leaves, Raya’s immediately relaxed. Flipping channels and everything. I collapse onto the chair and wait, staring at my wife, listening to the baby’s heartbeat, praying her and the baby both get through this.
Women give birth every day without incident, but that’s the thing about childbirth. There’s no rhyme or reason. Anything could go wrong at any minute.
“How you feel, babe?
She looks over at me and smiles. “I’m good. Feeling no pain.”
“Do you feelanything?”
“Just pressure.” She turns the tv down. “I have something I wanna ask you.”
I lean forward to get closer. “Anything.”
“If something happens, like if one of us had to be saved, I would want you to save me.”
I frown at that, for several reasons. “Where did that come from?”
“I’ve seen it happen on tv. I don’t know, I guess I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page. I mean, not to sound cold, but you can make another baby. You can’t make another me.”
My mind is racing, but I nod and keep my mouth shut. She needs to feel calm right now, so yeah, I agree. I agree with everything.
But inside, I feel like I’m going crazy.
48
Raya
