Then he starts talking. His words come slow and nearly slurred, but I understand perfectly.
“So they apologized?” I ask, but not because I didn’t hear him.
“Yeah. For the wedding.”
My mind is working faster than my hands.
What the fuck do they want from him? Because I know those apologies didn’t just come out of the blue.
“And then Jovan invited us to his birthday kickback.”
I knew it.
I fucking knew it.
“He said it could be a chance for everybody to get to know you better.”
Okay, but I don’twantthem to know me better. If they knew me better, they’d never show up for Ace again. And that’s not what I want, despite the fact that I hate their fucking guts. Myhusband likes having them around.
Ace lets out a low grunt. “Damn, Raya. You okay?”
I realize just then that I’m kneading too hard. I ease up, pressing an apologetic kiss to the side of his neck. “Just working out a knot,” I lie.
“I think it could be cool,” he continues. “A clean slate for everybody.”
I swallow hard.
I wouldn’t know a clean slate if it came up and bit me on my ass. I don’t know how to forget things. The memories of things haunt me every day.
All my ghosts are other peoples’ slights and offenses.
But this isn’t about me. It’s about Ace. So I say, “Of course I’ll go. If it matters to you, I’ll be there.”
“I appreciate that, babe.”
Yeah.
We’ll see.
“And if everything goes well,” he adds carefully, “maybe we could see my family over the holidays.”
My hands still.
Just for a second. Just long enough for him to notice.
His fucking family. The pod of orcas.
I knew this day would come eventually, but not this soon.
I force my fingers to move again, a little gentler this time. “Your family,” I echo, my voice measured and controlled.
“Yeah. My mom always goes HAM during the holidays. It’s a tradition.”
“And you don’t wanna miss it,” I finish for him. “I understand.”
I lean forward and rest my forehead against the back of his head. I breathe him in, freebasing and overdosing on his pheromones. He has no idea how much I long for him, or how dangerous longing can be.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally say. “Okay?”
