And the truth was—
“I love you too,” I said.
And I meant it.
Maybe not in the all-consuming, world-ending way I’d felt about—
Don’t go there.
But I loved her. I did. In a real, tangible, possible way. The kind of love that could actually work and one day be something.
She smiled, kissed me soft and lingering. “Good.”
I kissed her back, trying to pour everything I felt into it. Gratitude and affection and the desperate hope that this would be enough—that she would be enough. And that I could make myself be the person she deserved.
I carefully pulled out, dealt with the condom while she grabbed tissues from her nightstand. We cleaned up in comfortable silence, and then she curled back against my side.
Her hand rested over my heart, and mine traced lazy patterns on her shoulder.
“Stay,” she said again, even though I’d already agreed.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She smiled against my chest. Within minutes, her breathing had evened out and she was asleep.
I stared up at the ceiling, at her string lights casting warm patterns across the room.
This was good. This was what I wanted. A girlfriend who loved me, who I loved back. Someone who thought I was brave for standing up for my teammate, who wanted me and showed it.
Not some impossible thing with someone who’d made it clear I was nothing to him. I meant what I’d said. I loved Emily.
Outside, campus was quiet. The party was over. The fight was over. The race was over.
Everything was over.
And I’d won. I’d beaten Alex on the water. I’d defended Remy from Marcus’s bullshit. I’d made my girlfriend come. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
See? You’re over it. Over him.
I closed my eyes, let exhaustion pull me under.
But just before sleep took me, the memory surfaced again: Alex’s face when I’d blocked that punch. The way his eyes had widened, and the split second where we both acknowledged that I was protecting him.
Couldn’t let them mess up that face.
The thought slipped through before I could stop it.
Pretty face like that? Would be a shame.
My eyes snapped open in the dark.
Jesus Christ.
I shut my eyes again and forced my breathing to slow. It didn’t mean anything. You’re tired. Sleep it off. It’ll be gone in the morning.
I focused on Emily’s breathing, the weight of her against me, and the satisfaction still humming through my body. The simple, good feeling of being with someone who wanted me.
I drifted off with Emily’s warmth against me and Alex’s face in the back of my mind—a ghost I couldn’t quite exorcise.
