I found myself behind the boathouse, away from everyone, leaning against the cold brick wall. Everything hurt in ways that had nothing to do with the race.
“There you are.”
I looked up. Ethan was walking toward me with my team jacket, that concerned furrow between his brows.
“I’m fine,” I said automatically.
“Yeah, you look fine.” He stopped a few feet away, studying me. “That’s why you’re hiding behind the boathouse looking like you’re about to pass out.”
“I just need a minute.”
“Alex.” His voice was gentle. Too gentle. “Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I lost. It happens.”
He shook his head. “I saw that race. I saw your face after. This isn’t about losing.”
Something in my chest cracked wider.
“Please,” I said, my voice breaking on the word. “I can’t—“
“Hey.” Ethan closed the distance and wrapped my jacket around my shoulders. “It’s just me. It’s okay.”
His hands lingered on my shoulders and he watched me.
That’s when I broke. Something about the genuine look in his eyes and his touch on my shoulder. Like I had been starved of love and affection for too long. Starved of someone who actually cared and wanted to know me.
The first sob came out of nowhere, ripping through me. Then another. And another. A lifetime of holding everything together—every lie, every carefully constructed piece of armor, every moment I’d swallowed down what I actually felt—came crashing down all at once.
Ethan pulled me into a hug, and I collapsed against him, gasping for air between sobs.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I choked out. “I can’t—“
“I know,” Ethan said, holding me steady. “I know.”
“He looked at me like I was nothing. Like I never mattered.”
“That’s not true.”
“You didn’t see his face.” I pulled back, wiping my eyes roughly with my palms. “He destroyed me out there, Ethan. And he enjoyed it. He wanted to break me.”
Ethan’s jaw tightened. “What…?”
“Because he hates me.”
Ethan’s voice was careful. “Does he? Or is it something else?”
My chest constricted. I could feel the words pressing against my throat, wanting to come out. Wanting to tell him everything—Brackett Lake, the video, the way I felt every time Liam looked at me.
But I couldn’t. Not here. Not now. Maybe not ever.
“I don’t know…” I said.
Ethan gave me a look that said he wasn’t buying it. “Alex. I’ve watched you all last year. I’ve seen the way you—“ Hestopped himself, reconsidered, but whatever he thought made him continue.
“The way you react when his name comes up. The way you can’t seem to stop thinking about him.”
“He’s my rival,” I said, the words automatic. “Of course I think about him.”
