A soft flush touched the apples of his cheeks at my compliment. He tied the ribbon under my chin before slipping his arm through mine. “Kindness is the easiest thing to receive, yet it is hard for some people to give.”
“That is very profound, Your Grace.” I settled my hand on his sleeve, content with the turn of events. Until I received the telegram from Henry, I wouldn’t be able to relax. The day was still young. There was the matter of disembarking, followed by an hour’s coach ride to the ducal estates.
“My father wasn’t a very forgiving man, Lillian. I vowed never to be like him, but I’m afraid I carry some of his less pleasant traits.” He kept his profile to me, lips turned down as he spoke. Since I became acquainted with him, he’d spoken of light subjects. Still waters ran deep with him.
“Such as?” I asked, wishing to find out everything I could about him. We exited the cabin into the hallway and stepped intothe elevator. A diminutive man clad in the ship’s uniform was standing inside, manning the levers.
“Your Graces,” the man greeted with a friendly smile.
“The upper deck, Dietrich,” Kendrick said, avoiding my question. Or perhaps he was simply unwilling to speak in front of the servants. The elaborate box climbed the floors with a clank and the bitter smell of oil.
In the few short days since he announced the change in our wedding venue, I had been exposed to a myriad of experiences, each one more exciting than the last. My life had been mundane, the single bright spot my writing until that fateful day when I lost my title page in his garden.
The cage stopped with a jerk, and I clutched at Kendrick to keep upright. He was steady and sure, like the giant oak that grew at my family estate. We exited into the sunshine. Colt had secured the ship for our party’s sole use from London to Edinburgh. However, the ship had a full manifest for the trip back. My brother had sent word that his wife had given birth to a son, and my parents were eager to go back to London to meet the family heir.
Lady Helen had stated her intentions to return as well and allow Kendrick and me to have a proper wedding trip. Not a single one of them questioned why Colt was staying behind.
They were aware he was leaving his post, just not that he’d technically already left Kendrick’s employ. Kendrick brought me over to our group, coming to stand beside Colt. Amber eyes turned in our direction, good humor in their depths. My first time with my husband was unforgettable. It was difficult not to fall harder under his spell when I was with him. Colt’s presence in our bed tempered the intimacy, thus helping me safeguard my heart.
The men began a conversation about the steam engine, and I moved to stand next to my mother and Lady Helen.
“I’m sorry I’m late. I had to finish my project.” I slipped my hand into my mother’s. Colt wouldn’t always be with us. I faced another danger, one I hadn’t counted on. My feelings for Colt had grown, and I wasn’t sure if it was the novelty of him or the fact that I didn’t feel whole unless I was in the company of both men.
“You are fine, my love.” She squeezed my fingers; her entire face lit up with joy. “I’m the luckiest mother alive. My daughter married my best friend’s son, and I have a grandson.”
“You are indeed fortunate.” Lady Helen turned to look at me with an impish light in her eyes. Reverend Lowe kept close by her side. The two had been thick as thieves since our wedding, and the older woman never looked more radiant. “I daresay you are overwhelmed, being a new bride.”
“A bit,” I said. Having reconciled myself to being a spinster, to marry a duke was overwhelming. It was also exhilarating. It was not without complications to my peace of mind. “With your guidance and Kendrick’s, I daresay I shall persevere.”
She leaned in close to whisper in my ear, the smell of rosewater mingling with the briny ocean air. “Do not forget our bargain. I believe we settled on four grandchildren.”
I shook my head and pressed a kiss to her soft cheek. She was incorrigible, and I welcomed the distraction she’d inadvertently given me. “It was three, but I’ll grant you a fourth if the fates allow,” I said.
“You are a good girl, Lillian.” She pulled back and offered a watery smile. Eyes so much like her son’s reflected deep affection. “I can’t express how pleased I am with the match.”
My throat went tight, and I tried to stop the tears that fell from my lashes. I lifted a knuckle to wipe one away. My mind was in turmoil, with a maelstrom of stops and starts centered around Kendrick. He cared for me; of that, I was confident.
He just wasn’t in love with me. The words were a constant ache that never left my mind.
In the pit of my stomach, I had a sense of where his true affections lay. Colt had been a part of his life for many years. The two men were together constantly and often finished each other’s sentences. To be jealous of their relationship would be pitiful on my part, yet a part of me envied their comradery.
“Why are you two crying?” My mother asked, glancing from me to the dowager duchess.
“Happy tears, my dear. I’m determined to have many grandchildren, as I know you wish as well. Lillian has promised me three with an option of a fourth.” Lady Helen clasped the hand of her good friend.
The whistle issued a shrill screech from somewhere close by.
“Oh dear, you had best go on shore,” my mother said.
Once I descended the walkway, a new phase of my life would begin. Children. A home. A family. I was a duchess, and I would be blessed with those things. Colt could never have that with Kendrick. Knowing how much he loved him, my jealousy faded, replaced by shame.
My marriage wouldn’t have happened without Colt’s guidance. I owed him my happiness, and I would do everything in my power to ensure his.
Even at the expense of my own.
