“He seems to suit her well.” He followed without hesitating, his strong profile to me. A faint shadow of beard marked his cheek, and he’d a mole behind his ear. I had never noticed it before, and I ached to press a kiss to that spot.
He would be leaving me soon, and my heart broke every time I considered it. To lose my friend and confidant would be devastating, but I had to let him go. I had no other choice in the matter. He no longer needed me.
But I desperately needed him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sir Colt Lawrence
The hallway was narrow, with a set of stairs leading to the luxurious staterooms. My cabin was connected to the duke and duchess’s because of my position as his secretary, which would make it simple to slip into his suite at any time.
“Would you like to grab a brandy in my dressing room while Lillian finishes her toilet?” Lord Kendrick asked. The sultry turn of his voice cut right into my core.
Deep in my imagination, I had pictured everything I could do to him and what he would do with me. The night in the library had barely touched the surface. Everything inside me screamed yes. I inhaled and chose the safer path of evasion. I retrieved my pocket watch and looked at the time. “I daresay she is finished with her toilet by now. You mustn’t keep her waiting.”
“No, you’re right. However, she has tasked me with reminding you that you owe her a scene.” He jutted out his hip and settled his hand on his side. The fitted jacket was pulled back to expose the silver waistcoat tailored to his lean waist. Lord Kendrick, the artist, was hidden behind the formal façade, a sensual man with a flair for seduction.
The invitation pricked my imagination and sent my mind back to the endless loop of indecision. Better to avoid the suggestion altogether and focus on the task he’d given meearlier. “I have to arrange for a room for the vicar. Or had you forgotten?”
“Yes, I had. I can’t function without you.” Lord Kendrick’s fingers that still rested on my shoulder pulled me tight to his side. Affection resonated in the gesture. I knew he cared for me because he was a caring person. The heat of his body and tempting scent of clean soap chipped at my resolve to remain neutral to his touch.
“I daresay you will survive. Henry is competent and very discreet. Karen has been working with your mother’s secretary to learn what she must about the duchess’s duties. The twins know the household, and they know you. You needn’t fear on that score.” I straightened and turned, forcing his hand from my person. It tore me up inside. I had to cut myself off from him. The twins had begged me for the open positions. I had promoted them with Lady Lillian’s blessing.
Hurt flashed across his expressive face, and he dropped his hand, fingers curling into a fist. “I’m not talking about work. I’m talking about our friendship.”
The emotions I tried to suppress bubbled up to the surface. It might be foolish to speak, but I was at my wits’ end dealing with my adverse feelings. “I was never your friend, Lord Kendrick,” I snapped. “You paid me to anticipate your needs, and I did what you asked. Until Lady Lillian outed me to you, you didn’t know how much I desired you or where my genuine passions lay.”
Stillness hung between us after my biting retort, the silence deafening. The ship rocked beneath my feet, further un-grounding me. It was an odd sensation and kept me off balance, rather like the man in front of me.
His expression fell, and I felt the worse sort of heel for being so harsh. He wasn’t responsible for my desires, and as his servant, I had no right to demand he take an interest in my life.
“I promised you a week, Your Grace, and I will abide by that promise. Excuse me, I must see to the good vicar’s accommodations, I said.
“Colt, please wait. Until recently, yes, everything you said is true.” Lips pressed in a grim line, he shook his head, a touch of panic in his regard. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner. Let me make it up to you.”
“I don’t want your pity.” I couldn’t stand for him to think of me as a charity case or someone to be consoled. It was almost better when he didn’t notice me as anything but his private secretary. I was no longer a servant, or secretary, or in anyone’s service. To be a baronet was a privilege, and while I was a mere Sir and my position wasn’t nearly as grand as that of a duke, I was a fortunate man to have it.
“I’m not offering it.” He lifted my chin with his knuckle despite the danger we could face if we were discovered by anyone. Troubled eyes locked with mine.
The hallway was empty, but someone could come at any time. If I could simply turn off the doubts, I would take him up on his offer for a drink and whatever followed. I stood stock-still, torn.
He stepped back with a resigned sigh, his hand falling to his side. “Seek out the captain and ask for Reverend Lowe’s cabin to be readied. Then I’ll release you from your promise. You can leave the ship if you wish or stay of your own free will. As my friend, not as my employee, and if you still desire, as my lover—our lover.”
I eyed him for a long moment and tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying. To leave his employ in a week was difficult enough. Severing ties immediately sent alarm bells ringing inside my head. It was like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest. I willed myself to breathe. “This is rather sudden.”
