The thought of him dragged her body down and made her limbs feel weighted. Tears streamed from her closed eyes and she huffed out a breath. Climbing out of bed, she avoided Grace’s stare, and dragged herself into the bathroom, each step a chore. Alice turned on the cold water, captured it between cupped hands, and settled her face in the coolness.
On Christmas morning, she’d been in heaven but by Christmas night, she was in a living hell. Niko had captured her heart in a way she’d never expected. There was no pretense about him. He was what he presented to the world, a man sure of his strengths and cognizant of his weaknesses. That’s what she loved about him the most, his ability to be human, warts and all, yet never let his fallibility stop him.
She envied his self-assuredness, his positive outlook on the world. Alice had lost herself by trying to live up to her own idea of perfection. Because when you’re perfect, nobody can find fault with you.
Alice studied her bloodshot eyes in the mirror, dark circles giving her a manic air. She wasn’t a child anymore, she was a woman, yet in a small part of her mind, she was still that little girl in foster care who longed to be wanted. She grabbed a washcloth, wet it, and scrubbed the sleep from her eyes. Grace was right. It was time to enjoy the small things in life. She’d been hurt before and she’d healed.
Time was her friend as well as her enemy.
Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, she wrinkled her nose. How long had it been since she showered? Taking the lid off the deodorant, she put on extra for good measure.
Her friend was doing yoga stretches when she strolled back into the room. She’d been forced to stay in Seattle until the tests were complete. Granted, there was nothing in California to go back to except an empty apartment. Nor was there truly anything or anyone in Washington save Grace.
Alice withdrew her jogging pants, bra, and long-sleeve shirt from the dresser and slipped them on. Outside of Niko, Grace was the only person with all the facts.
And Chloe.
What did the girl think about her barging into her life and never telling her who she was? Pain radiated throughout Alice’s arms, the horror over the entire confrontation twisting her insides. So many people hurt because of her.
Grace’s phone rang and she snatched it from the dresser. “Crap, I have to get this. Meet me in the kitchen.”
Alice slipped on her running shoes and trailed behind. Grace had made coffee and she poured a cup, her knuckles hitting the sugar container. She eyed the confection and then eyed her cup.
Screw it.
She stirred in two teaspoons of sugar and added half-and-half. The black coffee turned the color of hot chocolate. Geez, would everything remind her of Niko? She knocked the spoon on to the side of the cup and brought the brew to her lips, savoring the calories with every sip. Heaven. She’d deprived herself of everything for so long, it felt great to indulge.
Like you did with Niko. Look how that turned out.
The doorbell rang and Grace covered the mouthpiece of her phone. “Can you get that? I’m almost done here.”
“Sure.” Alice opened the door and stopped dead in her tracks, hot coffee spilling onto her wrist. She gripped the cup’s handle to steady her hand and forced herself to smile.
Chapter Fifty-Four
“I was hoping you were still in town. Can we talk?” Hallie asked. Alice studied her face. She didn’t look mad but then looks were often deceiving. Perhaps Niko hadn’t told her the entire story. Alice prayed it was the case but she wasn’t holding her breath. Hallie and Niko were more than brother and sister, they were best friends.
Alice stepped aside and let the shorter woman enter. Clearing her throat, she pushed her shoulders back, channeled her inner producer, and put on a polite mask. “Sure, come in. Can I offer you a cup of coffee? Black with two sugars, right?”
“Right.” Hallie unbuttoned her long black coat to reveal a green sweater over dark jeans. “Am I here at a good time? You look like you’re on your way out.”
“We were heading out for a jog but it can wait. Grace is on the phone.” Alice walked back into the kitchen and ignored the knot forming in her stomach. She poured a cup for Hallie, added the sugar, and topped off her own cup. “Let’s go into the living room.”
Alice walked across the blond wood floors strewn with bright blue throws and willed her insides to calm down. Instinct screamed to run but she couldn’t escape her mistakes forever. If Hallie had questions, she owed her answers.
Two cream-colored armchairs were arranged in a rectangular reading nook, a picture window overlooking the city bringing light into the quaint space. Alice indicated Hallie take one of the chairs, while she perched on the edge of the other. A small table separated the chairs and Hallie set her cup down on the glass surface.
“This is a nice space,” Hallie said, running her palm along the soft fabric of the armchair. She flashed a strained smile. “A perfect place to curl up with a good book.”
“Yes, it is.” Alice inhaled, the pressure getting to her. What was the best way to start the conversation? Perhaps it would be most beneficial to rip off the proverbial Band-Aid. “How’s Niko?”
Hallie glanced out the window, her profile to Alice. The tilt of her chin reminded her of Niko. The harsh light showed the strain about her mouth but strength existed beneath the surface. “He’s a mess. Then, aren’t we all?”
“A little bit.” Alice’s lips curved at the irony of her words. She’d been a blubbering idiot for days and although she ached to crawl back into bed and ignore the world, she had a responsibility to this woman. “I never meant to hurt him. Never meant to hurt any of you.”
“I never thought you did.” Silence ensued, tension humming between them. Alice wanted to ask about Chloe but held her tongue. She had to see what Hallie knew first before she dived into those waters. Niko might have kept his sister in the dark over the adoption. Except he wasn’t the only one who guessed the truth. Chloe had.
Hallie inhaled a telling breath and turned to look at Alice. Although her eyes were hazel and not grey, they were so achingly like Niko’s, Alice found it hard to hold her gaze without the stabbing pain of loss.
