He wrapped an arm around me, pinning my arms against my stomach, while his other hand rose to my throat, firm but controlled, pulling my back against his chest.
“Stop running from me,” he murmured against my ear, sending a shiver through me. I closed my eyes and clutched my book, trying to steady myself. I had to calm down. I couldn’t let my emotions rule me anymore. I inhaled slowly, a mistake. His scent flooded my senses and almost drew a sound from my throat.
“Let go,” I murmured, struggling weakly, but his hold tightened as he tipped my head back gently against his shoulder, I opened my eyes and met his, blue, cold, peace. Desire burned there, undisguised. “Never,” he answered quietly, his gaze locked on mine.
My breath caught, no, he stole it from me. The determination in his eyes terrified me, because I knew it would lead nowhere good. Not for him. Not for me. I knew he wanted me, because I wanted him too, more than I had ever wanted anything. And that was exactly the problem.
I couldn’t. Not in my state. Not in my situation. He deserved so much more. More than this. More than me.
He didn’t truly know me, only the part I allowed him to see, the part I kept polished and contained to protect my family. If he ever saw the other side, the darker, twisted one, he would push me away himself. And if I let him have that kind of power over me, I would break. Completely. I couldn’t allow that. Too many people depended on me. I couldn’t abandon them for my own desire. Not after everything I had done. I had no right to want this. No right to want him. I pressed my lips together, lifted my foot, and brought my heel down hard on his. He groaned,instinctively loosening his grip, and I tore myself free, stumbling back a few steps, breathless.
“I told you I don’t want this anymore, Sasha. It was a mistake. We never should have…” I said, holding his gaze so he would understand I meant it. “It has to stop.” He didn’t move. His expression darkened, his jaw tightening as his fists clenched at his sides, his body coiling with tension.
“Stop, Sasha. I know what you’re thinking. I know what you want, but it’s impossible. We’ll never be like them. We’ll never be like Selina and Nikolai.”
“And why not?” he asked hoarsely, the sound of his voice made me shiver. My heart skipped painfully. Why not? Why couldn’t we be like them, together? Was that what he meant? Was that what he wanted? And didn’t I want it too? I shook my head and took a step back. That movement triggered something primal in him. He lunged forward in a single stride, and my body reacted on instinct, my palm struck his cheek with a sharp sound.
He froze, his face turned to the side. I stared at him, horrified. What had I just done?
I fought the urge to touch the reddening mark on his skin, hating myself for hurting him with my hands and my words, hating myself for putting him in this position. I never should have let this begin. It was a mistake and it would hurt. It would hurt both of us.
Slowly, he lifted his gaze. The anger burning there made me shiver. He closed the distance between us in a measured step, his hand coming up to grip my jaw firmly, forcing my face up toward his. He leaned in, his voice low and dangerous. “I don’t know what’s happening to you,malen’kayagadyuka. I don’t know what’s making you push me away like this, but I will find out.” his eyes never left mine, “and when I do, I’ll tear it apart until there’s nothing left of it. Nothing left that makes you doubt us. Me” his gaze dropped to my lips, lingering there.
I closed my eyes, waiting despite myself, for his mouth, for his warmth, for his hands.
But nothing came. I felt him straighten, his thumb brushing my lower lip one last time before he stepped away. I stayed there, eyes closed, until the sound of his footsteps faded and the front door slammed shut. That was when it hit me.
The tears, traitorous, burning, streaked down my cheeks as a sob escaped my throat. I clapped a hand over my mouth and tried to sit on the couch, but my legs gave way. I slid down to the floor, my back against the sofa, my body shaking with silent sobs.
Alone. A cold, creeping chill wrapped around me, a familiar cold, one that had never truly left me. Not since she had caught me in that cell eight years ago, when I was only sixteen.
Only a child.
Nine years earlier, Seattle, Washington
“Sienna, stop crying. It’s useless,” Esteban sighed from the couch as I paced back and forth across the living room of the small apartment Selina and I shared in Seattle. We had rented it barely five months earlier, a plan my sister and I had agreed on to escape her psychopathic mafia stalker. Antonio Rasili really was a pain in our asses. I was supposed to enroll at university to continue my computer engineering studies in the fall, but everything had been thrown into chaos. The United States, which was meant to be a fresh start after Italy, had turned into a nightmare. Because of me. Now I was trapped in an apartment emptied of my sister’s laughter, emptied of her gentleness, her warmth, her presence.
It had been three weeks since she’d gone with that monster. Because of me. It was all my fault. I swallowed back nausea asthe smell of blood suddenly rose again in my nostrils. I buried my face in my hands as my trembling worsened.
I had killed a man, a man who had tried to… to assault me. And Antonio had a video recording of what I’d done. A video he used to threaten my sister, a video he could give to the police, or worse, to the head of the mafia, people who could have me executed for killing an heir. Selina lived with that monster to protect me. She had sacrificed herself for me.
“Sweetheart, calm down. Come sit,” Esteban called again, patting the seat beside him. He was my boyfriend of almost two months, a coincidence that had started with him delivering my first pizza. After that, he made sure he handled every order, sometimes slipping in chocolate, sometimes flowers. He was nineteen, and for a first boyfriend on American soil, he was… cute. A boyfriend my sister had never accepted, always calling him nosy, playful, sly.
He lived alone with his father. His mother had left years ago and run off with her lover. I knew his father drank a lot and sometimes hit him. Esteban just needed someone to understand him.
I startled and jerked away when his hand touched my arm. I couldn’t stand being touched anymore. Not since what happened with Emilio.
Esteban stared, wide-eyed, then lifted his hands in surrender. He didn’t know. I hadn’t told him. No one could know. That I had almost been assaulted. That I had killed a man. That my sister was trapped in this situation because of me.
Three weeks under the same roof as Antonio Rasili. I had spent days outside his manor in Italy, the place he’d taken her but every time he found me, he put me on a plane and sent me back here. The nights I’d spent outside in the cold and rain were nothing compared to what Selina was living through. That monster had surely… he had…
Fresh sobs shook me as my breathing turned shallow. I stumbled, catching myself against the wall. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday. Selina wasn’t there anymore to force me. She wasn’t there to watch over me.
“You won’t free your sister with tears, Sienna,” Esteban said, dropping back onto the couch. “I don’t know how she ended up in the hands of that lunatic Antonio Rasili, but sleeping outside his door and crying won’t get her out.”
“I’m not leaving her there, Esteban!” I blurted, arms spread, breath short. “I have to get her out!” Esteban rubbed his beard thoughtfully, his eyes drifting into the distance before he looked back up at me. “I might have an idea, sweetheart. Someone who could help you get your sister out.” I froze as hope flared painfully in my chest. “Who?” I hurried to the couch. He smiled softly, taking my trembling hands in his. “It’s a friend of my father’s. He’s very rich… and influential in the underground world.”
I frowned. A friend of his father? Influential in the underground world? I tried to pull my hands back, but his grip tightened. “Sienna, what do you think? You’ve seen it, the police will never do anything. They’re that man’s dogs. If you want to beat him, you need a man like him. A monster.”
