“Nikolai is right. You have to eat,miasorella,” I said as I stood, slipping my arm beneath hers. She shook her head, “I don’t feel like it,” she sighed, sniffing and I frowned, wrinkling my nose.
“Selina Floros Ivanov, you are going to get your ass off that bed and go nourish yourself, and my niece,” I ordered darkly, tugging on her arm again and she finally yielded, following me out. We descended the stairs slowly as the house lay buried in a heavy silence, without the children’s laughter, without Roman’s shouts, without Elif’s giggles, without Grigori’s grumbling, without Sasha’s voice to irritate me. I pressed my lips together as my throat tightened. I had to stay strong. I had to, for my sister, for my nephews and niece, for… Sasha. I moved towardthe stove where a steaming pot rested while my sister headed for the dining room. I grabbed two bowls from the cupboard. I had no strength to swallow anything, but I had to encourage her. “Orange juice or water?” I asked, opening the fridge in search of drinks, but no answer came.
“Selina?” I called, my heart starting to pound in my temples again, I closed the fridge and walked quickly into the dining room. My sister was still standing by the table, one hand resting on it, the other on her belly. “Selina?” I approached gently as she let out a soft groan, I placed my hand on her arm and leaned closer, “Selina…”
Suddenly she screamed, a scream that froze my blood and her body swayed. I caught her just in time as we fell to the floor. I wrapped my arms around her and groaned when my temple struck the edge of the table.Damn it.
Selina writhed in pain against me as another cry tore from her lips, her hands clutching her stomach. “Selina?! Selina, what’s happening?!” I tried to understand, but she didn’t even hear me,“Selina… Nikolai! Nikolai!” I began to scream as panic seized me. Something was wrong. Even if she was in labor, it shouldn’t hurt this much. Heavy footsteps thundered down the stairs as I started to cry at the sight of my sister suffering. “Sienn…Selina!” my brother-in-law shouted as he dropped to the floor beside us. “What’s happening?!” he demanded, lifting his wife against him, “I don’t know…she suddenly started twisting in pain,” I explained, nausea rising. Nothing could happen to my sister. Nothing. She… she had to be okay. She and my niece.
“Velma, stay with the children. Call Sasha and tell him to warn our midwife and gynecologist. Tell him we’ll be there in twenty, no, fifteen minutes,” he ordered Elif’s right hand, who had joined us, surely drawn by the screams. Velma nodded, pulling out her phone as I followed Nikolai outside, my barefeet slapping against the stone. “Sienna, get in,” he said, and I obeyed, climbing into the back seat of his car before he laid my sister down. I placed her head on my thighs as her sobs grew louder. “It’s going to be okay, Selina, it’s going to be okay,” I whispered, stroking her hair while Nikolai slid behind the wheel and started the engine without waiting. We reached the hospital quickly, Selina screaming, Nikolai trying to soothe her, my own tears mixing with her cries. Sasha was waiting for us with nurses, the midwife, and Selina’s gynecologist. His clothes were still stained with blood, Elif’s blood. Nikolai braked sharply, and Sasha rushed to open the back door to lift my sister out. His gaze met mine, my vision blurred by tears.
“Sasha,” I sobbed and his jaw tightened, dark circles visible beneath his eyes.
“It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay for everyone,” he said as he carefully took my sister, groaning in pain, and laid her onto the gurney they had prepared in advance.
The midwife and gynecologist immediately began examining her as they hurried inside, pushing the stretcher down the corridor.
“I’m here. I’m here, Selina,” Nikolai reassured her, holding her hand as Sasha and I followed them through the long hospital halls. They eventually took her into an examination room and asked us to wait, but Nikolai refused, following them inside. Sasha and I remained by the door.
My eyes stayed fixed on it as my hand pressed against my chest. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I couldn’t breathe. If something happened to Selina…if she died, I… I… “Sienna,” Sasha murmured suddenly, his hand settling on my shoulder, which was shaking with sobs. I covered my face with my hands, shaking my head. “It’s going to be okay, Sienna. Your sister, our niece, Elif, all three of them will be fine,” he continued, his voice trembling.
I didn’t think. I simply collapsed against his chest, his arms wrapping around me without hesitation. He held me tightly as my body shook with sobs, my cries muffled against him, my hands clutching his shirt, “Sasha,” I sobbed. I felt him shudder, his face burying into my neck, his breath trembling against my skin. I closed my eyes, my heart aching, just as much as his.
—
I stared blankly at Sasha kneeling in front of me as I sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room near the examination room. He finished drying my feet before slipping on the socks he had sent someone to buy, his long fingers wrapping gently around my ankles, just as I had done for my sister barely an hour earlier.
Fresh tears rose, and I pressed my lips together, lifting my eyes toward the ceiling. I had to be strong. I had to survive. I had to protect, “Sienna,” Sasha breathed and I lowered my gaze to him as he straightened, his hands sliding to my cheeks. “I’m here, Sienna. You’re not alone, Angel,” he murmured, his eyes locked on mine and my lips trembled. “I shouldn’t cry. I have to be strong,” I blurted out without thinking as a tear escaped and he wiped it away, his gentle gaze roaming my face as if I were the most precious thing in the world, as if he were looking at what mattered to him most. “No,” he whispered, his thumbs caressing my cheekbones. “You don’t have to be. Not this time. Not when it’s your sister,” a sob broke free as I closed my eyes. His forehead rested softly against mine, his nose brushing mine, warming my numb body. “I’ll be strong for both of us, Angel. I’ll be strong for us. You’re not alone,” he repeated and I nodded, my hands sliding to his cheeks before my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him against me. He did the same, his arms circling my waist.
With him, there were no pretenses. I didn’t have to put on a brave face like at the club. I didn’t have to hide my pain or my sorrow for fear of dragging him down, like with Kenji or even my sister. I didn’t have to be strong just to survive.
With him, I was Siennan the sixteen-year-old girl who had been deceived. I was the one who had fought for eight years to free her sister, crying behind closed doors. I was the one who was afraid. The one who was weak. And he held me anyway.
—
The door to the examination room opened, and I lifted my head from where it rested against Sasha’s shoulder, my hand still in his. This time it wasn’t a nurse who stepped out, but Nikolai. His complexion was dull, his eyes red. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and when I lowered my gaze, I noticed he was wearing slippers, we had left the house in such a rush. “How is she? And the baby?” I asked, moving closer as he exhaled heavily. “The labor has started,” he breathed, but there was no joy in his voice. “There’s a problem, isn’t there?” I asked, my voice trembling as my hand tightened around Sasha’s, who stood beside me.
My brother-in-law let out a long breath, closing his eyes before walking to the chairs and sitting down, elbows resting on his knees. “She… she had a cervical tear,” he explained, swallowing hard, his fists clenching. “From Rafael’s birth. One that Antonio caused when he…” he didn’t finish. His head fell forward as he sniffed, and I felt my heart shatter. I released Sasha’s hand and knelt beside Nikolai, placing my hands on his forearm, tilting my head to look at him. His tear-filled eyes met mine, calling forth my own. “The gynecologist warned us it could complicate a vaginal delivery, but… but it’s not progressing. Her cervix isn’t dilating,” he sighed. “They’re going to do a C-section”. I pressed my lips together and nodded softly, “okay. She’ll be fine,” I whispered, rubbing his arm but he shook his head, a tear fallingbetween his feet on the floor and my heart shattered. “What if she hemorrhages? What if something happens to my daughter?” he asked, burying his face in his hands. “No, everything will be fine, Nikolai. Selina is strong and my niece is even stronger,” I tried to reassure him as Sasha placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “This is all my fault. I should have protected her better. Maybe with less stress…” “No,” I cut him off, standing up and wiping my tears. “Only madmen torment themselves like this. This has nothing to do with you.” He lifted his dark gaze toward me. “Yes, it does. It’s our fault,” he shot back. “We failed. We didn’t protect the family,” my eyes drifted to Sasha, and I saw guilt burning in his gaze as I shook my head. “No…” “Sienna?” a nurse suddenly called, opening the door to the examination room. “Yes?” I replied as Nikolai stood up anxiously. “Your sister wants to see you,” she informed me with a gentle smile.
I nodded, wiping my cheeks before following her, casting one last look at the two men as guilt and despair gnawed at them. The nurse closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with my sister. She looked at me with a faint smile from the bed where she lay, “Selina,” I breathed, rushing to her side, I took her hand and leaned down to kiss her forehead, stroking her hair. “How do you feel?” I asked as she looked at me, exhausted, “I’m fine. The painkillers are working. I don’t feel much, really,” she replied, her hand caressing her belly and I nodded, relieved that her pain was eased.
“How is Elif?” she asked, worry and guilt flickering in her eyes and my jaw tightened. “The surgery went well, but the doctors said the night will be critical. They’re monitoring her,” I answered, placing my hand over hers on her belly. “She’ll be fine. And you will too. And my niece as well,” I added firmly, trying to convince both her and myself. She nodded softly, though fear and doubt still shone in her gaze. “Come,” she invited, patting the bed and I lay down beside her after removing the sneakersSasha had put on my feet, careful of her belly, turning onto my side to face her.
“Do you remember when we used to sleep together with mamma and papa during winter, when it was too cold?” she asked suddenly and I smiled as memories flooded back, our parents and us in our small countryside house in Italy, all sleeping in the same bed to keep warm when we couldn’t heat the house. No money, no wealth, just happiness. “Yes,” I smiled, “papa made us hot chocolate every night” she smiled, her eyes shining, “yes. The best I’ve ever tasted.” I nodded. She was right, papa had a special recipe.
“I have no doubt you’ll warm my children’s hearts if they’re ever cold,” she continued and I froze, my gaze fixed on her profile, “Selina…” “I’m selfish, Sienna. I have no right to ask you for anything but I’m going to,” she whispered, turning toward me and taking my hand, placing it directly on her belly.
“If something happens to me, if I don’t come back from this surgery, be a good mother to my children, Sienna,” she breathed, and my heart stopped, I shook my head, standing abruptly and pulling my hand away. “No. Nothing is going to happen to you, Selina. You…you’re coming back,” I said, my voice trembling as she straightened, her eyes shining.
“I’m just a kid too! You’re the mother!” I snapped as tears welled up.
My sister couldn’t die. Not after eight years of suffering. Not when she had just found happiness.No. “Sienna,” she whispered, cupping my face in her hands, “I’m sorry, my sister. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed in Italian and my lips trembled.
“But there’s no one else I trust. Without Elif and me…” she stopped, shaking her head, and I closed my eyes, understanding her fear. But I wasn’t a mother. I didn’t know how to be one, and I wouldn’t have to. My sister was going to survive. Elif too. “You’re coming back, Selina,” I said, gripping her shoulders andshe stared at me, startled by my vehemence. “You didn’t survive eight years with that bastard just to let him win now that he’s six feet under,” I snapped, more determined than ever. “I’m warning you, if you don’t come back, I’ll take your kids to a mine and make them work until they dig their way to the center of the earth,” I threatened and she laughed through her tears.
“I’ll fight, Sienna. Of course I’ll fight,” she said, grabbing my wrists, “I’ll come back. I’ll raise my daughter and my sons with Nikolai. I will.” She guided my hands back to her belly. “But if fate decides otherwise, if I don’t make it, promise me,” she pleaded, removing her necklace, our mother’s pendant and placing it around my neck. The pendant I had clung to all these years to survive. I closed my eyes, swallowing my sob. My sister was giving me her last wish, yes, it hurt.Terribly. I finally nodded, my throat tight, “I promise. I’ll do everything in my power to be a good… aunt,” I said, leaning closer, locking eyes with her, so similar to mine, yet so different. “Because no matter what happens, you’ll always be their mother, Selina” she sniffed and nodded, visible relief washing over her, “thank you…” but I caught her jaw, holding her gaze. “And fate can go fuck itself. You’re walking out of that operating room with your daughter in your arms, Selina.”
I gently closed the door behind me as Nikolai stood up when he saw me step out. “How is she?” he asked and I smiled, placing my hand on his arm. “She’s fine. She wants to sleep with you,” I told him and he thanked me before heading toward the room. “Where is Sasha?” I asked, and he informed me that he had gone out to get some air. I decided to join him, heading toward the private hospital’s back courtyard. I lifted my face toward the sky as the cool night air brushed against my skin. I was wearing a simple white T-shirt and jeans I had thrown on in a hurry after coming back from the restaurant to help Selinashower. My phone suddenly vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans, “Kenji,” I murmured, leaning against the wall beside the entrance. “How are they?” he asked, and I could hear Ganesh’s and Ashwin’s voices behind him. “Not well,” I admitted, resting my head against the wall, my eyes on the leaves of the tree in front of me. “We’re coming,” he said, and I heard a door open but I stopped him. “No, Kenji. There’s no need,” I murmured, rubbing my forehead, I knew that sooner or later Ganesh and the Ivanovs would end up face to face, but now was not the right moment. It wasn’t the time for anything at all. “What do you mean, no need?!” Anjali suddenly exclaimed on the other end of the line, and I pulled the phone away with a grimace. “Jali…” I sighed, but she cut me off again. “No, don’t ‘Jali’ me! We’re not going to let you go through this alone, Sienna,” she said, her voice softening. “We’re a family. Your family.” I closed my eyes, the feeling of belonging warming my heart. “Of course we’re a family,” I breathed, straightening up. “But there’s nothing to do right now. My sister is going into surgery, and Elif is under observation. Everything will be decided tomorrow.” “And so what? We want to be close to you until everything settles,” she replied, and I could hear her pouting through the phone. “Anjali, that’s enough,” Ganesh’s voice echoed behind her before he took the phone to speak to me. “How do you feel,Chhori?” he asked and I let out a trembling sigh as I walked down the path leading to the small park. “I don’t know,” I admitted, wrapping one arm around my stomach. “There’s a high risk with my sister’s surgery tomorrow, and Elif lost a lot of blood. One of the bullets hit her spleen,” I explained heavily. “The doctors said her body remains weak, that the night will be decisive.”
