The last dying rays of sunlight cast a pink glow over the horizon. Waves rolled in, breaking on the shore as we walked down the beach. In the distance, a bonfire blazed. Music and laughter floated toward us on the breeze, reminding me of happy times back when Saoirse, Aoife, and I had partied on the beach as teenagers.
It also reminded me of the night I’d walked into the ocean. Back then, I’d felt lost, like I was drowning. Tonight, the man I cared for had slung his arm over my shoulder as we walked along the beach in comfortable silence.
To anyone watching, we probably looked like a couple enjoying a romantic date night. Me, barefoot in a cute dress, and him with his shirt sleeves rolled up. I smiled to myself before frowning as I realized he’d still not said how he felt about me.
Yes, he wanted me. And yes, he planned a future with me. But did he love me?
I stopped dead and spun round to face him. My breath caught in my lungs for a moment as the sheer beauty of this man slayed me.
“You said you wanted me, that I’m yours, but how…” My voice trailed off. Being assertive still felt unnatural. It would take a lot of practice.
“How?” Declan repeated, raising one eyebrow. His hands rested on my waist with our bodies not quite touching.
“How do you feel about me, Declan?”
He frowned. “I care about you, princess.” Hecared? That wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Deserved more. Maybe I’d misread the situation, and he wasn’t capable of loving me.Or anyone.
Was the fact he didn’t love me part of why I wanted him? We’d talked about this in therapy, about how I craved emotionally unavailable men because if they loved me, it would heal my ‘father wound’. Or something.
God, was I already repeating the mistakes of my past?
Insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
“I need more than affection. I deserve more.”
“You do,” he agreed. “You deserve the world, princess.”
“But you can’t give it to me,” I concluded in a hollow voice. If he wasn’t in love with me, then I wasn’t willing to give him my heart.
He froze. “You think I don’t love you?”
“You said you cared about me. It’s not the same thing as being in love.”
“No, it’s not.” His face fell, along with my stomach. “I’m sorry.”
Of course, he was sorry. The remainder of my fragile heart shattered into a million pieces. He was right; I wasn’t lovable. Or good enough. All of my insecurities bubbled up, and I pulled back, needing to get away from him before I crumbled.
“Verity!” He reached for me, but I ducked under his arm and ran toward the path up to the parking lot. My lungs burned as I pounded across the soft sand, every torturous step a punishment for my boundless stupidity.
Just as I reached the start of the boardwalk, a muscular arm grabbed me around the waist. I squealed in shock, kicking my legs. He grunted when I elbowed him in the stomach. Not that it hurt him. The man had abs like rocks.
“Stop struggling, woman!”
“No!” I yelled. “Let me go! If you don’t love me, this is pointless!”
“Who said I don’t love you?” he asked incredulously.
“You said you cared for me! That’s not the same as love.” I slumped in his arms. Fighting him was pointless. He was too damn strong.
Once I stopped struggling, he yanked me back against his chest. The lights above the boardwalk twinkled, illuminating thepath ahead, but neither of us moved. He spun me, keeping hold of my wrist so I didn’t run again.
“I’m sorry, princess.”
I huffed. Being unable to love someone didn’t require an apology.
“It doesn’t matter.” I’d survive. Even if I wanted to curl up in a ball and forget about the world, I had other people who loved me.
“You misunderstand. I’m sorry I didn’t say the words.” He cupped my jaw. “Verity, I love you.”
