I'd meant it. I still meant it.
“That's what I thought.” Brandy's smile went warm. “For what it's worth, I think he's good for you. Better than that Hawkins boy ever was.”
“Landon wasn't—” I stopped. Shook my head. “Actually, you know what? You're right.”
“I usually am.” She gathered her folders, checked her phone. “I've got a showing at six. Go see your man. And Jamie?” She paused at the door, reading glasses dangling from their beaded chain. “Whatever this started as, it's not that anymore. Trust yourself enough to see it.”
She left before I could figure out how to respond.
The words landed somewhere in my chest and stayed there, settling into a hollow space I hadn't known was empty.Trust yourself enough to see it.My hands were shaking slightly when I reached for the leashes.
She wasn’t completely wrong.
What we were doing wasn’t fake, not anymore.
But that didn’t mean it wasreal.
The office went quiet. Just me and the dogs and the hum of the heating system. Outside, the February light was already going gray, the days still too short, winter holding on.
I thought about my apartment. The month-to-month lease I'd signed because committing felt like too much. The flower arrangement on my counter, Holden's arrangement, the one I'd ordered for myself before any of this started. The petals were brown now, stems going soft in the water. I should have thrown it out days ago.
You're more than enough. Remember that.
He'd written those words for a stranger. Someone who wanted to believe he deserved flowers even when no one else was buying them.
I wasn't a stranger anymore.
Marceline nudged my hand, ready to go. Bubblegum was already at the door, patient, waiting.
“Okay,” I said. “Let's go see Holden.”
I spent the walk to the shop in a sort of daze, Brandy's words echoing in my head.
Trust yourself enough to see it.
That was the crux of the problem. After being burned by Landon, I had no faith in my ability to trust my gut when it came to love. Holden liked having sex with me, I knew that. Our chemistry was off the chart, and he'd been alone for so long that of course he was going to want to take advantage of this fake relationship, getting his fill during our time 'together.'
But that didn't mean he wanted a relationship with me.
They say 'show, don't tell' and 'actions speak louder than words.' But that wasn't always true. Sometimes a person needed the words. All the kisses and touches and morning nuzzles didn't mean that what we had was going to last one day past February 14th.
I needed to hear the words from his mouth.This is real. This relationship is real.
The lights in Holden's apartment were on, warm yellow against the gray. His silhouette moved past the window, tall and angular, and it made me smile.
I texted him that I was almost there, and he was waiting at the backdoor of his shop. We stepped inside and I didn't wait for him to speak. Just rose up on my toes and kissed him.
He made a sound against my mouth, surprise or relief or both, and his hands found my waist, pulling me inside.
The dogs pushed past our legs, heading up the stairs, already making themselves at home.
Brandy was right. Whatever this had started as, it wasn't that anymore.
I was starting to think it never had been.
Holden
Jamie was sorting ribbon again.
