Carrying weight that would crush most beings.
"You think I enjoy seeing you have to decide whether protecting me is worth potentially risking the others who don't have the same level of leadership as you?"
The question lands with accuracy that makes me flinch.
No.
I never considered that perspective.
"Do I like seeing Nikolai fight against his emotions?" she continues, building momentum now, words pouring out like they've been building pressure for too long. "Despite him being sad about Nikki leaving him? While accepting the truth that his father—who's ruling a whole fucking kingdom—is a rapist bastard?"
Nikolai.
His grief.
His complicated family history that I've never asked about, never tried to understand.
"Am I amused that Atticus has to stay by my side?" Her voice cracks with emotion that's clearly been suppressed. "Despite surely having strong purpose and craving to unlock his Pureblood potential?"
Atticus.
His ambitions.
What he's sacrificed to be here, to be part of this.
"Do I enjoy that Zeke has all that knowledge and capability, but he has to be trapped in aiding us instead of exploring the world where he can expand, apply, and teach that knowledge to those who are hungry for it?"
Zeke.
His intelligence.
The potential he's never been able to fully realize because of our circumstances.
"Do I enjoy Mortimer simply being the professor scholar of our group instead of getting the chance to explore his true yearning and feelings?" Her hands tighten slightly against my face. "Without thinking his age is holding him back from even being close to me?"
Mortimer.
His insecurities about the years between them.
Feelings he probably thinks he should suppress.
"Do I truly like that I now have to claim ownership of Damien to make him fucking sane?" The anger in her voice carries pain that I never fully appreciated. "Because that bitch of a sister cursed him with such a demonic beast?"
Damien.
The curse that made him what he is.
Elena's cruelty manifesting in ways that continue to haunt all of us.
"I don't like any of this!"
The declaration erupts from her with force that makes the air between us tremble—or maybe that's my imagination, my perception colored by the intensity of what she's expressing.
"I don't like that I can't just stop and mourn the idea that Gabriel is somewhere far fucking away, going through whatever trials are awaiting him, knowing he's going to crave the same yearning of balance that we do!"
Gabriel.
Her brother.
