After a few seconds, the caresses that had been delightful the moment before were too much, and her thighs cramped around his head.
Laughing, Lucian rose. He scooped her up and settled on the desk himself, with her in his lap, pressing a kiss against her temple.
Rosalie felt boneless. Brainless, even. That had been wonderful, as she knew it would be. And this, the moment that followed it, felt…
Perfect.
Except… it wasn’t perfect. No matter how good an actor Lucian might be, Rosalie had seen behind the curtain, hadwitnessed how the trick was done. He might pretend to have affection for her, but she knew the truth—that the only reason he wanted to marry her was because he hated his cousin and took a perverse satisfaction in taking something away from Lysander. He didn’t really want her at all.
He never had.
Tears pricked her eyes. She could have been so happy with this man. Happy in a way that she couldn’t have been with anyone else she had ever met. But he had gone and ruined it. Even if he kept up this pretense every day for the rest of their lives, she would know the truth—that it was just a lie. He had ruined any chance they’d had of happiness, and nothing he could do would ever fix it.
Lucian stiffened, then pulled back. “What’s this?” he asked, reaching out to stroke her cheek with his thumb. He must have felt the dampness of her tears.
“Rosalie. Don’t cry.” He laughed, but he didn’t manage to sound carefree. “I must be losing my touch if this is how you react to my lovemaking.”
“Your lovemaking was perfect,” she said sadly. “As always. But then I recalled that you don’t really…” She swallowed, unable to finish that thought.
He cupped her cheeks, pressing his forehead against hers. When he spoke, his voice was raw. “I know I hurt you. I’m more sorry for that than you will ever know. But I promise you, Rosalie. Iswear, I will never hurt you again.”
She couldn’t seem to form the words, couldn’t bring herself to tell him that it was too late. That some things could never be undone, some sights never unseen, some words never unheard. All she could manage was a sad little shake of her head.
But judging by the sorrow in his eyes, he understood.
She hopped off his lap and set about straightening her clothes. “I should go,” she said tremulously. “I… I can’t interview the servants right now. I’ll come back tomorrow.”
She had crossed the room and had her hand on the doorknob when he spoke. “Oliver Hutchinson.”
Rosalie looked over her shoulder, a slight frown on her face.
Lucian didn’t rise from the desk, didn’t try to stop her from leaving. When he spoke, his voice was gentle. “My grandfather’s physician of many years was Dr. Oliver Hutchinson. His office is on Bedford Square.”
Ah, yes. The name of the fifth earl’s physician. The reason she had come here today.
In her desperation to flee, she had forgotten about it entirely.
Rosalie gave a crisp nod, then hurried out the door.
Chapter Nineteen
The following day, Lucian was leafing through his correspondence in the study. After having spent most of his life as the black sheep of theton, it was astonishing how many invitations he received now that he was a viscount.
Collins appeared in the doorway. “Lady Rosalie has arrived, my lord. She said she is here to interview the household staff. I showed her to the green parlor, as we discussed.”
Lucian sprang to his feet. “Excellent work, Collins.”
He jogged down the corridor, straightening his coat as he went. He was glad Rosalie had been able to compose herself enough to come. Seeing her cry yesterday had damn near ripped his heart to shreds. He had known that he was in for a long journey when it came to proving himself to her. Her reaction was not unexpected.
Still, it had been painful to see.
Well, Lucian, it’s no more than you deserve. You have no one to blame but yourself.
He entered the parlor, which was decorated in shades of mint green. “Rosalie,” he said, bowing low to press a kiss against her hand. “How are you this morning?”
He had been tempted to add the wordsmy loveto the end of his question but suspected she would not appreciate that. He was glad he had refrained when he noted the tightness of her jaw.
She nodded crisply. “I’m fine.”
