Jasmine was hurt.She would be scared to be alone in her own home.Terror sat, nasty and sharp, in my gut.Jasmine had been hurt.Cam had great security, and I was sure he’d had the asshole who’d come out to pick up his mother tonight checked out.But even still, with all those safeguards, the man made it onto the ranch and hurt Jasmine.
“You guys good here?”I asked.
Nash shot me a look before he nodded.No doubt he was surprised I hadn’t moved back to the sink where the last of the pots sat, but I couldn’t focus on that, not now.
My mind kept returning to my mother’s quiet, painful sobs late at night after my father passed out from drink.She never knew I’d heard her, but I knew how much the pain and fear affected her.
Just as I knew it would impact Jasmine.The first time was the worst, left me questioning how someone could do that to someone else.Jasmine was so attuned to her family’s feelings and needs that she often set her own aside.But this…an assault would force her to deal with not just the emotions that bubbled up from the attack but a lot of other issues she’d thought we buried.
“Thanks for holding Levi for me,” Nash said.I paused, my gaze flashing to his.“Keeping him safe when Aya needed me.”
I blinked as the realization of what Nash implied settled over me.I’d held my rage in check, I’d been able to focus on Levi’s needs.My lips compressed in a firm line as I gave a single nod.
“That’s what family should do for each other,” I said.
Nash held my gaze for a long beat.“Yes, it’s what familiesshoulddo.”
He was remembering what I’d told him, about my father.I blinked at him as I watched the realization why I steered clear of Jasmine settled over him.In that time when I held his son, he must have read my fear of repeating my father’s behavior.Or maybe he’d put it together before.I hadn’t told him any of the details of my father’s abuse, but Nash understood the concern that I was doomed to repeat the past.
He understood because it was his fight, the one he battled against addiction each day.I swallowed thickly as I walked over and gave his shoulder a squeeze.
“I’m leaving the dishes in the sink,” Nash said.“They’ll be here in the morning—or whenever you get back from checking on Mama Grace.”
I chuckled.It was rusty and painful but I appreciated the levity.“I’m sure they will be.”
Then, I walked out the back door toward my much smaller cottage.Once in I settled onto the couch in the living room, my phone in my hand, in the dark.I wanted to call Jasmine.I needed to hear her voice, but if I did, I wouldn’t stop until I had her in my arms.
I settled for a text:Are you okay?I’m worried.
I checked the screen obsessively, so I knew when she read the message.But it wasn’t until after midnight, when I’d gone back to Nash’s house and scrubbed the pots and cleaned up the kitchen so that it sparkled, that she replied.She sent a picture of her arm in a cast, and:Not yet, but I will be.
She was hurting, and she’d be alone by now, I was sure of it.Jasmine would have sent the kids home to get rest even though she was still at the hospital.That was just her way; she considered others before herself, and because she was their mother, they’d been conditioned not just to listen to her but to expect that self-sacrifice.The problem was no one was Jasmine’s champion.As far as I could tell, she hadn’t had one since Cam and Carter’s father died thirty-odd years ago.
I could be that for her.Maybe.Well, not if I continued down the path I’d set for myself—the path of avoidance that I thought was protecting her.
Clearly, I’d been wrong.Devastatingly so.
Swallowing that truth hurt, but it didn’t make it less true.
I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom where I lay atop the comforter, still dressed.My thoughts jumbled and twisted together and over themselves like a wriggling mass of newborn snakes.
I kept coming back to the realization that I hadn’t given in to the rage that consumed me when I heard the news.I’d held Levi, made him laugh even as those horrible sensation poked at me.
Nor had I taken out my rage on Nash or Aya.I’d been scared for Jasmine, worried for her, but Ineverconsidered pummeling my family to a pulp because of it.Well, I fantasized about plowing my fist into Frank’s face, but I wouldn’t do it because I was sure Cam would make sure Frank got the maximum sentence for his crime, and that was…well, it wasn’t all I wanted, but I could live with that outcome.
I hadn’t given into the rage I worried festered inside me, and I could suppress the need for violence.
Holy hell.I could do that.I’d never, in all my years, been put to a test like I had tonight.I’d feared I was like my father so much so that I’d shied away from any possibility of ending up in a situation that could prove that hypothesis correct.But I could—did—control myselfwith ease.
What I couldn’t live with was Jasmine being scared and alone.Jasmine hurt.And I simplycouldn’tcontinue to deny my feelings for Jasmine, which meant I had to do something about them.
But…what?
And would she want me now, after all this time of dithering and hiding away, avoiding her?
Unable to handle my racing thoughts that slithered through my mind like scorpions—ready to strike with their poison at any moment—I grabbed my keys and hopped into my car.Heading to the hospital, I was told what I’d already known: visiting hours were over.
“Can I just peek in?I won’t stay.I just…I just need to see her.”I gulped before offering the security guard who sat at the kiosk a wide-eyed stare.
