I’d never had that closeness with a woman, but if I let myself, I could picture holding Jasmine like that.I could still feel how she fit against me.For that brief moment when I gave in to the attraction, I was, well, happy.
Then I stepped away and felt even more bereft.Being with, just being near Jasmine, made me realize how much I yearned for more.
I wanted love.I wanted passion.But mostly, I craved tenderness.With her.
I cut another piece of meat and chewed slowly, unsurprised to find the once-delicious meal now tasted like dust in my mouth.Nothing good ever lasted.I knew that.Hell, I’d lived in that world for fifty years.
I swallowed with difficulty and stabbed my fork into the tender vegetable.I kept my head down and ate methodically, wanting to finish so that I could once again escape all the boisterous, loving happiness that bloomed in the dining room.
The kids deserved their happiness, and I wouldn’t cause discord between them.My gaze caught and snagged Jasmine’s for a moment before I dropped mine to my plate, working hard to loosen my grip on the utensils.
These family gatherings would have to go on without me.I was the weak link, the ill-fitting piece.
After tonight’s celebration, I’d be sure to keep my distance.
Chapter5
Jasmine
Ifrowned into my whiskey as emotions swirled through me, cycling quickly between my chest and my mind.
“You’ve gone and done it this time,” I whispered to myself, huddling deeper in the wool wrap I’d grabbed from the back-door hook before I settled on the porch.
With a sigh, I stared off into the deepening darkness.This time of night was often called the witching hour, but I’d found it to be soothing.No matter the time of year, it was silent and pleasant for its silence.
Few stars shone, thanks to the clouds.The distant lights at the barn illuminated the building.After frustration and pity twisted around, I took a long sip of my drink.I wrinkled my nose at the burn of the alcohol.With a flick of my wrist, I dumped out the last few drops and the ice over the rail and into the flowerbed.Wouldn’t pay to get drunk—not with Christmas tomorrow.My grandbabies were all too excited to lay abed long.
The kids chose to continue the tradition of a large family Christmas that Cam was hosting.I’d taken my presents down to shove under his too-stuffed tree a couple of hours ago.I hadn’t stayed long, letting my kids and their spouses enjoy an evening together.Instead, I’d smiled and waved and made the lonely walk back here to my house.
Much as I loved the place, it held many memories.Most were good, many weren’t.But that was life, not just life in a house.I wasn’t typically lonely or melancholy, and annoyance flared hot in my belly.
This funk I’d been in today, since Steve fled my bed, really needed to end.I straightened to my full height and rolled back my shoulders, lifting my chin as I continued to stare out into the thick, velvety darkness.
Steve wanted to ignore me, ignore what we’d shared the night we’d spent wrapped in each other’s arms and again tonight, but now that he’d forced me to face that moment again, I wouldn’t let him.
Hell, I was closer to the grave than the cradle and now wasn’t the time to get tentative.
“Just going to have to up my game,” I said.
And I knewjustwho to ask to help me.
A little over a week later, Jenna’s eyes sparkled as the shallow dimple peeked out of her cheek.For the first time in weeks, she seemed to be finding her way back from the grief.
I’d asked her to come over while Cash napped, and she’d complied.I was pretty sure she knew why I’d asked her over because, despite myself, I’d fretted all during the holiday week.Jenna had noticed but kept silent, which was one of the many reasons I loved the girl to bits.
Now that New Year’s was behind us, I was ready to tackle my Steve problem, and Jenna was going to help me.
Jenna had settled in my living room on the larger couch that faced the windows, her feet on one of the new rugs the kids had purchased for me.It was thick and luxurious, not something I’d have been able to afford on my own.
I’d always refused the kids’ offers for financial help.I might not have that many zeroes in my bank account, but I was comfortable.The house and land were paid off, had been the entire time I’d lived here.Cam insisted on taking care of the ever-rising property taxes, so I just had to manage my house upkeep and myself these days.The horses I trained and sold more than met my needs and some extra cash for me to set aside.All in all, I was better off financially than I had been in decades, and I enjoyed the independence afforded by my growing nest egg.Still, I knew I’d have to stop training horses at some point, which was why I’d focused more on growing my savings than improving the house.
We’d lived with that kitchen my entire time there, and it still served me well, even if the kids complained about the dated appliances and aged countertops.
Solid, well-built, it went on.Just like me.
“Earth to Mama Grace,” Jenna said, snapping me back to our conversation.“I thought you had something to tell me.”
“I do,” I said, smiling at her.
