I sighed. “Thanks. Now, about your party…”
“It’s not my party.”
I giggled. “Oh, you ridiculous man. Of course this is your party! Now, let’s get you to it.”
By the time we arrived at the upscale bistro Jay had rented for the occasion, the after-party was in full swing. Music pounded, and laughter filled the air as people sipped a wide range of beverages. The moment we strolled in, the players hailed Gunnar, and he disappeared towards the bar to hold court as the group hung on his every word. He waved me over, but I hesitated.
The reporter from earlier, a young woman named Melissa, sidled up to me. Tim had confided that he didn’t like her, nor did Keelie, because she’d written a piece about how Cormac was past his prime. But Melissa and Jeff seemed to get along well, and Jay called her first when he wanted to increase visibility for a story.
While there was no accounting for preferences, I was pretty sure Melissa’s camaraderie with the people who made me uncomfortable told me everything I needed to know.
“Quite a turnout, huh?” she said. “The Catters really know how to throw a party.”
I nodded, grateful for the distraction. “Wildcatters. The complete name matters because it’s an oil expression?—”
“I don’t really care about that.” Melissa’s manicured hand found my arm. “Listen, honey. A word of advice? Don’t get too attached to the big boss man. Men like Gunnar... They’re not the settling-down type. Trust me, I’ve seen it before, ad nauseum.”
My stomach clenched because I was beginning to fear she was right. The moment we’d stepped out of our bubble in Sweden, Gunnar had seemed to cool to the idea of announcing our relationship. He hadn’t pushed back at all when I’d asked earlier if I should keep it professional between us. I’d so hoped he’d tell me no, that he’d already sent out a press release. But he hadn’t. And now I felt like a flag whipping in the wind, unsure where my emotions would flit next. The instability made me long for my mother, and a wave of grief gripped my chest.
Nothing felt right. I made my way to a quiet corner with a glass of wine I had no intention of drinking. Gunnar still held court, laughing and joking with Cormac and Stolly now. I leaned against the wall, feeling like an imposter. Was I just a little orphan girl playing dress-up in a world where I didn’t belong?
As the night wore on, the doubts I’d been pushing aside since we left Sweden grew louder. What were Gunnar and I doing? How could this possibly work? He was a team owner and also an athlete who still had enough talent to compete against his own first line. And I was...an intern with a crush.
I startled, hating that line of thought. It wasn’t true—I knew that. I tried to remember how I’d felt in Sweden. But I’d felt so alone since my parents died. After losing my mother, I was…adrift. I wanted to clutch tightly to Gunnar, and I believed he did love me, yet I worried I was too clingy. Too needy.
I set down my untouched wine and slipped out onto the balcony. The night air was warm, heavy with the scent of jasmine. In the distance, the Houston skyline glittered, beautiful and indifferent.
“There you are.”
I turned to find Gunnar in the doorway, his tie loosened, hair slightly mussed. He looked so handsome, so out of my league.
“Splendid party,” I noted.
He came to stand beside me, his arm brushing mine. “It would be if you were inside enjoying it.”
I shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “I’m just taking a breather.”
Gunnar’s hand found mine, intertwining our fingers. “Z, talk to me. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
I took a deep breath, the words I’d been holding back all day threatening to spill out. But looking at him—this man I’d fallen for so completely—I couldn’t bring myself to voice my doubts.
I wasn’t strong enough to stand without him. Not with my mother’s death still so fresh. Anger and self-loathing twisted in my gut, and I struggled to breathe normally. I’d become the very thing my father had worked tirelessly to prevent. I was a woman who needed a man to help her through this world. I wasn’t strong enough to stand alone.
Not yet…
Soon. I would take the next necessary step soon, but not yet.
I forced a smile. “Just overwhelmed, I guess. It’s been a long day.”
Gunnar studied me, his blue eyes searching. Finally, he nodded. “Okay. But remember, Zaila, you can talk to me. About anything.”
As he pulled me into a hug, I buried my nose in his chest and breathed in his familiar cologne. I wanted to believe him, wanted to pour out all my fears and insecurities.
But standing here, surrounded by the glittering trappings of Gunnar’s world, I’d never felt lonelier.
Chapter 32
Zaila
