As the days passed, the lack of reprisal from Jay bothered me more than if he’d commented or gone back to being sullen, and his intense lunch with Lydia had waved all kinds of red flags. But those were feelings, not concrete actions, so I had nothing to tell Gunnar. There wasn’t a problem, and I hoped the situation had righted itself.
Plus, Gunnar and I didn’t get to see each other often, and we were finally spending this evening at his place. I wasn’t about to waste it talking about Jay. My mother had gone to a bridge tournament with an old friend. Gunnar had booked them a suite at the hotel, and Mom had already sent me pictures, gushing about the amenities and the view of downtown.
Seeing her happy made me happy, and I’d just shown Gunnar how happy right here on his couch. He caressed my bare back with his fingertips as he nuzzled into my hair. The man loved my hair.
“I didn’t think I’d be this constantly horny at forty-four. You’ve had me thinking about sex more in the last few months than I did in the previous decade. A shadow flitted across his expression, darkening it with something that looked suspiciously like guilt.
I sighed as I propped my chin on my hands and stared into his light blue eyes. “I’m twenty-four; you’re forty-four. Yeah, it’s a gap, but we’re happy. I love spending time with you. I love how focused you are on me when we’re together, both with our clothes on and off.” His lip quirked up, and I grinned back, relieved to see him relax.
“I just... I worry about the future. What if?—”
“What if what?” I interrupted, my voice gentle but firm. “What if you get hit by a Zamboni tomorrow? What if I trip over a hockey stick and break my neck? We can’t control the future, Gunnar. You and I both know that.” I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, offering comfort after the sting of my words. “You couldn’t save your brother, just like I couldn’t save my dad from that car accident, and I can’t stop the progression of my mother’s disease. I hate that so much, but life doesn’t come with guarantees, no matter how much we plan.”
His grip tightened on my hips, and pain flashed across his face.
I pressed on. “We’re not promised tomorrow. All we have is right now, this moment. And right now, I love being with you.”
Gunnar hugged me, his chin resting on top of my head. “You’re right,” he murmured. “I just... I’ve never felt this way before. It scares me sometimes.”
I leaned back with a smirk. “Well, old man, maybe it’s time you learned to live a little. I hear it’s all the rage with us youthful folk.”
He chuckled, the tension finally breaking. “All right, Rookie. What does living in the moment look like to you?”
“Well,” I said, pulling him towards the kitchen, “it starts with making some of those terrible dad jokes you love while you feed me dinner, and maybe planning our next adventure.”
“Will you eat naked with me?” he asked.
“I think I can manage that…as long as I get a towel for the seat.”
“But of course,” he assured me with a laugh.
As Gunnar gathered ingredients, weight lifted off my shoulders. We might not have forever; no one did. But now was beautiful, and that was enough.
Chapter 24
Zaila
The next home game fell mid-week, which meant I’d spent the last three days pining for time with Gunnar. He was so busy, and while he texted often, face-to-face and body-to-body time remained elusive now that the season was in full swing. So when he pulled me through the empty parking lot behind the arena after the game, once everyone else had departed, I was ecstatic. The first raindrop hit my nose as thunder rumbled in the distance. With him close by, I barely noticed the noise.
The hockey game had ended over an hour ago, but these were the first moments we’d had together today, and the air between us crackled with tension—the kind that made my pulse stutter every time his fingers brushed mine.
“Gunnar, what are you?—”
“Shh.” He pressed a finger to my lips, stopping though we hadn’t reached his car, his grin wicked under the flickering streetlamp. “Right now, I want to savor.”
“Savor what?” I asked.
He smiled down at me, his expression tight with desire. “You.” He leaned ever closer until his lips touched mine. Just like the first time—every time—we kissed, fireworks burst under my skin, heating my blood. He tipped me back and settled over me, his palm cradling my head as he deepened the kiss.
Thunder crashed and lightning rent the inky blackness, adding another layer to the electrical charge racing between us. His tongue slid past my lips and into my mouth, causing me to tighten my hold as I moaned. He made me so hot, so ready for more.
More lightning, more thunder. I didn’t care about the weather, not as long as Gunnar kissed me, held me. Icy rain sluiced down my cheeks, soaking my blouse in seconds. I gasped, but Gunnar just spun me under his arm, his laughter rich and warm against the drumming storm. “Dance with me.”
“You’re insane!” I shouted over the downpour, but I was already moving, sliding against the slick asphalt.
Gunnar’s hands found my waist, pulling me flush against him. “For you I am. Took you this long to figure that out?”
The man moved as if he’d been born for this moment, and the rain was just another partner as he guided me through a turn, his palm hot even through my soaked clothes. My heart hammered, equal parts exhilaration and terror, because this felt…real.
