She was huddled in her chair in a soft cotton lounge set and covered in two blankets. She’d been wracked with chills since the treatment yesterday. I tried to remind myself that meant the chemotherapy was working; the worse my patients felt after the initial treatments, the better their bodies responded. That wasn’t scientifically confirmed, but definitely something I’d noted among the people I’d nursed.
“And I know you’re here now because you care about me, too,” Lola added. Her voice was raspier than before the treatments. She’d lost a couple of pounds and struggled to find a comfortable position.
I settled on my knees next to her chair and took her hand. “I do care about you, Lola. Very much.”
“Because I remind you of your mother?” she asked.
I hummed. “A little. Though you’re feistier.”
She gave a faint chuckle.
“But it’s because of the way you treat those around you, how much you love your family.”
“That includes you, querida.”
I brushed her hair back from her forehead and offered her a large water container with the flexible straw. I liked this one best because she didn’t have to move much to hydrate.
She looked past me at the television, her expression turning animated. “Nail him to the boards, Lennon!”
I chuckled and returned to my seat on the couch to focus on the game.
It was a fast-paced skate fest where the players whipped across the ice like they had wings. Ice sprayed, bodies collided, and the puck squirted away from everyone’s sticks…
Until Maxim shouldered a Boston player into the Plexiglas even as he shot the puck to Lennon, who tapped it across his stick twice as he flew forward before slapping it up to Naese, who’d snuck around Boston’s goal. Naese shifted his stick, and the puck banked off it into the back of the net.
“He’s so confident on the ice,” Lola said with a soft smile. “He was such a serious boy after his father, Ruben, and then his brother, Ruben Jr., passed. Lennon felt the weight of responsibility on those little, middle-school-boy shoulders.” Lola shot me a sly look. “He’s always been so thoughtful but contained. He carries his hurts deep, along with his inadequacies.”
I nodded, my throat aching for the little boy who went through too much—and the man who was as scared of being hurt as I was.
“I’m looking forward to seeing him tomorrow,” Lola said. “I’ve enjoyed having Belladonna here, but I don’t like her shedding.”
“Lola, I need some advice,” I said softly.
“Ask away.”
I explained what Lennon had told me about protecting himself. She hummed in response, her expression grave.
“I…think his reaction has something to do with losing his dad and brother,” I told her. “Like maybe he’s worried that loving someone means loss.” I hesitated. “Even you… I mean, Lennon loves you. You’ve been his rock, but now you have cancer.” I looked at her. “I can’t be everything to him. And I don’t think I can heal that kind of emotional wound.”
In that moment, I realized I feared the same thing. I pressed my palms to my belly. Everyone I loved had left me. I wanted Lennon, was sure I loved him, but I kept him at arm’s length because I feared that once we were intimate, once he’d seen me at my most vulnerable, he’d disappear.
He’d done it before. I frowned because I told him I’d forgiven him that. But had I? Really?
She nodded. “I think you’re right, at least in part. But I also know that Silas, the Wildcatters coach, has been very insistent that Lennon get help with what’s bothering him. I won’t discuss that with you, but there was a reason I contacted you when I did.” She smiled, and it brightened her whole countenance. “Lennon was ready for you.”
The next morning, I settled Lola in her chair with a cup of ginger tea and an English muffin topped with a thin layer of peanut butter and strawberry jam. Lola liked the flavors, and I liked getting something nourishing into her stomach.
A knock at the door caused me to frown. “Are you expecting someone?” I asked.
Lola shook her head.
I went over and peeked through the peephole. I could see Hana and Ida Jane, along with another woman, so I opened the door.
“Hi,” Hana said with a smile. “I’m so glad to see you.” She pulled me in for a hug. This new version of Hana was much happier and much freer with the hugs than the woman I’d known in San Francisco. I liked the change, though it still surprised me from time to time.
“Hi, friends,” I said as I ushered them in. “What are you doing here?”
“We came to check on Lola,” Ida Jane said. “We brought some of her favorite foods now that she’s through this week’s round of therapy.” She lifted a large brown paper bag that smelled delicious.
