“Good.” He met my gaze, his eyes vulnerable. “You’ll treat her well, right? I mean…”
I reached over and rested my hand over his. “Yes, Lennon. That’s why I’m here. I want your mother to have every possible chance.”
“Thank you.” The words came from deep inside.
“You’re welcome.” I patted his hand a couple times, then returned to my meal. We ate in companionable silence for a while. “I thought about what you told me,” I said.
He hummed questioningly since his mouth was full.
“I believe you.”
He patted his lips with his napkin. “I’m glad. I won’t lie to you, Vivi. I promise.”
“And I’ll always be honest with you—about your mom but also about how I’m feeling.” I rubbed my finger across the smooth wood of the table, enjoying the satiny feel. “I’m scared to trust you,” I told him. “I’m scared you’ll change your mind, and I’ll be hurt. But I’m scared not to try because I’ll be hurt.” I lifted my gaze to his. “Please don’t hurt me, Lennon.”
“Maybe we could try a date or two,” he suggested. “You can see how that feels.”
“I kind of get the sense we’re on one now.” I glanced around the homey kitchen, smiling because it reminded me of my mother’s place.
“I’ll take you on all the dates, Vivi. Anywhere you want to go.”
My breath stuttered as I inhaled. “One day at a time, Lennon. A bit more trust each day, that’s how you can prove you’re serious about me. I don’t want a grand gesture. I want to know, in my bones and heart, that what you’re telling me is true.”
He nodded. “I respect that.”
“Guess we’ll see.”
“You will.” He hesitated. “And I want you to know, I’m not sucking up to ensure you give my mother better care. I know you’ll do that, no matter what happens between us.”
“You’re right, I will. I guess I’m glad you realize that.”
He stared deeply into my eyes. “I remember everything we ever talked about, Vivian. I know how important your patients are to you. Thank you for allowing my mother to be one of them. Thank you for getting past your anger with me to care for her.”
My heart, the one that had been Lennon’s since he’d handed me my hat, melted. “I want to trust you, Lennon Cruz. Don’t blow it, because I won’t give a third attempt.”
He gave a sharp nod. “Understood.”
Chapter 17
Chapter
Lennon
* * *
The next morning I stared at my face in my bathroom mirror before I ran my hands over the neatly trimmed beard that still covered my face from my cheekbones to my Adam’s apple. I rubbed my throat where it met my neck, feeling the thick ridge of scar an inch from my carotid artery. If that piece of shit had had better aim, I would be dead.
“Huh…” I hadn’t realized that before. No clue why it hit me now, but it did, and hard. My hands shook, and I had to hold on to the edge of the counter to stay upright through the quaking. My vision tunneled.
I’d be dead, and my mom would still have cancer, but I wouldn’t be here to help her. And Vivi…she would have had to live with my death.
“I’m alive. I’m here. Vivian’s here. No one is hurt.” I repeated that mantra over and over until I regained control.
I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were a bit wild, my lips compressed. “You’re going to be okay. It’s fine. You’re fine.” I nodded, and I had to admit, I did feel better—maybe because I’d admitted my fears to Amber, maybe because I’d faced Vivi and finally been able to come clean. Or maybe because there was hope that I’d be able to move forward with Vivian, that she’d still want me even after I’d ghosted her.
Belladonna pawed the air next to my leg as she whined. “Yeah, that was a lot, wasn’t it?” I settled on my bathroom’s tile. “Come on, girl. I could use a snuggle.”
Because Belladonna had been raised to work with Army Rangers, she wasn’t much of a snuggler. But she was also a dog, and she cared about me, just as I cared about her. When I opened my arms, she dove against my chest, nuzzling me as she made soft noises.
