I realized, as I studied them, that neither of my brothers nor my father was infallible. They were human. Monstrously so. But they weren’t bad people, particularly my brothers. Weak, scared, pathetic at times—sure. But I was, too. Especially during the funk after Hana and I parted.
“Before you say something else that’s absolutely true but a little mean, I want you to know I’ve already told Dad all of the mean things. I’ve called him lots of names for you and for Mom,” Devon continued. “And I’m particularly pissed off that he’s the reason we’re related to that fuckup.” His face was earnest as he gestured toward Dad.
“Hey! I didn’t know!” Dad protested.
“You guessed, and like a jerk, you picked the good kid instead of the one who acts more like you,” Hugo said. “I mean, he’s probably exactly what Dad deserves in a son, really. He got really lucky in Dev and me. And Paxton’s exceptional. So, Dad totally deserves Aiki.”
“That’s not really fair to Aiki,” I countered. “I mean, he probably figured it out or was told about the affair at some point. Remember when he was little? He used to be fun. One of my best friends.”
“He did,” Dad said. “Figure it out, I mean.”
“And you still ignored him?” Devon asked, lip curled in disgust. “Some man, some father you are.”
“I was worried about losing you boys! Your mother?—”
“You let a kid in need of love suffer.” My stomach heaved.
Hugo pursed his lips. “We were the better option.” He shrugged as if his statement made Dad’s behavior acceptable.
I was really glad we lived over a thousand miles from them now—especially Dad. Being any closer would drive me bonkers. As it was, we’d have to figure out how to juggle my travel schedule and Hana’s new position with NASA we ever wanted to get together.
Did I want that?
Dad looked up at me. His expression was morose. “I was wrong, and I’m really sorry.”
“How sorry?” Hana asked from my side. “Because my brother deserved a lot better than he got from you.” She included Devon and Hugo in her glare. “Any of you. Did you stop to think that maybe, just maybe Aiki wouldn’t have turned to self-loathing and drugs if you’d shown him the kindness and love he deserved?”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and kissed Hana’s temple. I really loved her all fired up. That passion was addictive—and hot.
“Do we have to be nice to him?” Devon whined.
“Hana’s right,” Hugo said. “It’s Dad who sucks. Not Aiki.”
“He sucks, too,” Devon said. “He’s in prison.”
“He still our brother,” Hana said, eyes narrowed. “All of us. And you will treat him as such.” She turned on my father. “And you. You’d better start visiting him.” She bit her lip. “I probably should, too. I…I’ve been so mad at him, but now… Well, maybe I can understand him better.”
“We’ll visit, if that’s what you want,” I said.
Hugo sighed. “We’ll all make an effort to rehabilitate Dad’s spawn.”
“Speak for yourself,” Devon said.
As my brothers quibbled and my father appeared lost, my mother filled glasses with ice and I cozied up with my beautiful, brilliant fiancée. She looked over at me, a question in her eyes. Did I really want to give this up? Sure it was messy—even ugly—but it was our family.
I wasn’t sure I wantedmoreof our crazy, somewhat dysfunctional relatives, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to forgive my father his lies and cowardice. But I wouldn’t write everyone off. That was a knee-jerk reaction. I shouldn’t make those. They tended not to be the smartest choices.
We’d work out our family situation onmyterms. Well, mine and Hana’s. She and I would determine what we wanted together.
“I’m sorry,” Dad said again. He turned to Mom, yearning clear in his expression. “I’m so sorry.”
* * *
“That was really awkward,but I think we handled it pretty well,” Hana said as she finally shut the door and flicked the lock. It was late, and I had to be at practice early tomorrow.
“Yeah. We did. Because we’re a good team, Han. Always have been.”
She bit her lush lip and peeked at me from her lashes. “I wanted them to leave sooner.”
