“Shh!” Naomi said more forcefully. “I gotta hear the next part.”
I offered a faint smile and launched into my teary, sleepless night and the realization that I should talk to Paxton. Then came the photos of him partying with all the women at that bar. So I explained that I’d done what I never had before: I’d called my mother for support. She’d insisted on picking me up, which surprised me. I was even more shocked when I realized she’d brought Aiki.
In the car, she’d told me I should consider taking a trip—right in the middle of my semester. That she’d packed a bag for me, and I could visit my father’s relatives in Tokyo. Then I’d realized Aiki was driving strangely, and I’d tried to stop him. He’d ignored me, sped through a red light, and smashed into oncoming traffic.
“You didn’t know he was on something?” Ida Jane asked.
“I had no idea my brother was high when they showed up.None. If I had, I wouldn’t have gotten in that car, and I wouldn’t have let my mother ride with him. For the record, Aiki being moody and surly was pretty much expected.”
I stared down into the dregs of my tea. I’d tried an herbal blend meant to soothe and relax. I wasn’t sure it had worked, but it tasted delicious. “Because he was high, he was cited for that and a slew of other things besides just causing the accident. Between his bills from the accident and my medical bills from the doctors patching me back up, we had to sell the house. He made that decision while I was still in the hospital. It would have been okay, I guess, but he used all the money for his legal defense.” Once again proving I couldn’t rely on the men in my life.
“Do you miss the house?” Naomi asked.
I shook my head. “My only happy memories there involved Paxton.”
“Which brings us back to the gazillion-dollar question,” Millie said. “Why did his father push him so hard to break up with you?”
I tilted my head. “I’ve wondered that, too. Mr. Naese was always kind to me, if a bit disinterested. Though I did hear him ask Pax once why he wanted to spend his free time with me and not at the rink.”
“Ah. One ofthosedads,” Millie said with a curl to her lip. “I hate the controlling ones the most.”
“As you should,” Ida Jane agreed, patting her shoulder. “Millie can tell you about her horrible dad after we get to the bottom of this muddle.”
I shook my head. “There isn’t a muddle. Paxton broke up with me, I broke, literally, and now he wants to make amends, possibly try for another shot as a couple since he hasn’t been able to find what he’s looking for in another woman.” If I believed what he said, that wasn’t exactly true of his motivation. But close enough for now.
Naomi wrapped her arm around me and laid her head on my shoulder. The comfort was as shocking as the familiarity. “Sometimes you have to shatter. We aren’t meant to bend and twist forever. Andsometimesthat break makes us stronger.”
“Not until we manage to pick up the shattered bits, though,” Millie said. She launched into her history and how hard it had been to lose her mother, live with her father, and how little she’d trusted Luka when he came into her life.
“I’m here to tell you good things can happen again, especially after the pain. I think—though Ida Jane can probably speak to this better—that sometimes you need that valley, that ultimate low, to understand just how wonderful the love you’re being offered is.”
I shoved back from the table, antsy with emotion. “But Paxton and I were in love back then. We had our future mapped out. We werehappy.” My lower lip quivered but I firmed it. No more tears. I hated that I’d broken down with Pax last night, even though I knew I’d needed that release.
I met the gaze of each of the women sitting at Paxton’s table—the very one I’d seen in the Amish furniture shop I’d dragged him into on that weekend we’d slipped down to Pennsylvania during my sophomore year of college.
“Happiness doesn’t last,” Ida Jane said. She smiled kindly. “It’s anemotion, which means it changes. Stressors pushed you two apart for a reason?—”
“Exactly!” I exclaimed.
“Can you honestly say you’re not interested in Paxton? That you don’t find him sexy?” Ida Jane raised an eyebrow. “That you weren’t envious that I knew my way around his kitchen better than you?”
The women smirked and leaned back. Irritation swirled through me, but like a dust devil, it dissipated as I stared at their open expressions. They weren’t pushing me into Paxton’s arms, but they sure did bring a whole bucketload of truth, which I’d intentionally pulled back from last night with Paxton.
They wouldn’t let me hide because they knew, in the long run, I’d hurt myself more by doing so. With a jolt, I realizedthiswas what it was like to have close friends. Besides Paxton, I’d never had this community before. And they’d acceptedmebecause they lovedhim.
I sucked in a breath past my achy throat. “I want him. I can admit I still love him, which he knows. And he’s told me he loves me, too.” I resettled in my chair and stared down at my tightly clasped hands.
I jolted when Naomi laid her tanned hand over mine. “But sometimes love doesn’t feel like it’s enough,” she said. “Or it feels like a prison. Right?”
I gave a brief nod.
“Because you don’t have the trust to back those feelings up,” Ida Jane said.
“And without the trust,” Keelie added, leaning closer so that she, too, could clasp my hand, “you’re flailing in the wind. Scared out of your mind. At least I was.”
“As a smart lady once told me, that’s why they call itfallingin love,” Millie said.
“It’s a leap over a seemingly huge, empty chasm,” Naomi said.
