I shoved the glass under the tap and rinsed it out. “I’m aware.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you buy it?”
“Because I have a multimillion-dollar house, and that stove increased its value.”
She padded closer and laid her hand on my tense forearm. “Paxton.”
I sighed, forcing the bad mood out with my hissed breath. “I bought it for you,” I admitted. “I wanted to be close to you. Wanted some connection. It’sridiculous, but since I couldn’t have you?—”
“You bought the thing I most talked about, most dreamed of.”
I nodded because she already knew that.
“Have you used it?” she asked breathlessly.
“I can’t cook.”
“Still?” She tipped her head back to look at me, and her long hair cascaded over her shoulder, tickling the bare skin at her elbow. She had faint, tiny scars there. From shattered glass, I’d bet.
Without thought, I brushed the hair away, my fingers lingering on her warm skin. If things were different between us, I’d pull her close, nuzzle my nose into her hair, kiss her soft skin, her lips.
“You’ve never used this beauty?” Hana gasped.
“No.”
“Pax—”
“It’s for you,” I said. I shook my head and sighed, deflated. There was no point holding back because I wasn’t sure I’d get another chance to say any of this to her. “The house, the move to Houston to be near NASA, the fancy range, even the bathtub in the master bedroom. I was thinking about you every step of the way. I bought this place and made the renovations from the list you’d created for your dream house.”
“You hadn’t talked to me?—”
“Because I was terrified.” I stared up at the ceiling. “How could I beg for the forgiveness I didn’t deserve?”
“But, but you did all this…” she sputtered.
I tipped my chin down and stared at her. “You don’t get it.” Emotion clogged my throat. “You’reinme, apartof me. I can’t look at a regular fucking stove and not hear your comments about the best one on the market. I can’t not want to give you the biggest, best walk-in closet that is pathetically empty because I don’t give a shit enough about my own appearance to fill it up.” My chin wobbled, and I wanted to bawl out all the feelings I’d held in since I turned my back on her three years ago. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough. I know it doesn’t fix what I broke. I know you’re holding back.”
She opened her mouth but then shut it. We both knew that was true. I understood her reasoning, though I hated the reason for it.
“You have to understand, Hana. I may have left you, but you never left me. All I want is to hold you and be your sous chef like we joked about and make all the hard feelings and this terrible gap between us disappear so I can go back to loving you with the lighthearted ease I didn’t know how much I’d miss.”
I moved away, giving her time to process and myself time to regroup from the latest emotional bomb. My bag was at the garage door; I headed toward it, calling back over my shoulder, “Enjoy your stay. I’m back in two days. I hope you’ll be here. And I’ll text you later.”
Walking out this time was both harder and easier.
At least I’d had my say.
Chapter16
Hana
If I hadn’t seen the longing in Paxton’s expression, I would have assumed something stupidly terrible like he’d found my scars too hideous and couldn’t wait to get away from me. But that wasn’t what I saw, and what he said…I was slowly beginning to accept.
I was still standing in the same spot, working through Paxton’s comments when the garage door opened again, and minute later a friendly, feminine voice called out, “Hello!”
