“I’m not sure that’s fair…”
I breathed in the scent of her hair, nuzzling her scalp. “You and I both know emotions aren’t logical. They just are. And if you need me to prove myself, I can do that. Hell, I probably should do that.”
Her shoulders eased. “No, Paxton. I’m not testing you. That would be wrong. You don’t deserve?—”
I gave her a gentle squeeze, which caused her to stop talking. I pulled away from her warmth so I could meet her eyes. I cupped her cheeks, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin. “I want to deserve you. We both deserve happiness, fulfillment. How we get there will be our way. No one else’s.”
She studied me, those dark eyes taking in each nuance of my expression. “Do you think we can?”
Something in the way she asked, in the slight breathlessness of her voice, in the yearning that slipped into her eyes, made me sure she wanted that future as much as I did.
But this was what happened when you shattered something precious. It never slipped back together seamlessly. There was always work and effort—maybe blood and tears and cursing and the desire to give up already—before the beauty was once more whole. Though not the same, never the same.
But whole.
“Yes, Hana. We can,” I told her. “If we work together. Talk to each other, open up to one another even when being vulnerable is like walking naked in a snowstorm…”
Her lips quirked up in a faint smile. I wanted to kiss her but held back.Damn, that was hard.
“Like you were willing to do now. That was fucking brave. I won’t take you or your feelings for granted. Not ever again.”
“Thank you.” She shuddered out a painful breath. “You’d walk naked in a blizzard for me?” She giggled as I rolled my eyes.
“No. I might love you, but there are parts of me I don’t want to freeze off.”
She giggled harder, and I smiled. This, right here, this was what I’d missed. What I’d craved and searched for…
And found only with Hana.
* * *
Dinner was a boisterous affair.But we Wildcatters weren’t known for being halfway kind of men, and our women were just as passionate and strong-willed as we were. How else would we manage to work together? We needed that strength of purpose to balance our own.
I stared into my iced tea as these thoughts swirled through my head. I was becoming like Cruz—a philosopher, a deep thinker. Losing Hana, which had been like amputating a limb, had created this more introspective part of me. I still couldn’t understand why my father had pushed me to sever our relationship, but I knew now that his constant pushing had caused me deep harm. And that pain made me much more likely to stand up for what I believed in moving forward.
Never again, I promised myself as I looked over at Hana. She was having an animated conversation with Keelie and Ida Jane about tardigrades, of all things.
“She’s a pretty cool chick,” Maxim said. He’d scooted closer, ensuring that his words were for my ears alone. “I wasn’t sure if she’d suit you, our crew, after she ran from Ida Jane. But I see it now. Her strength isn’t in fighting back. It’s in knowing when to retreat.”
That Maxim had realized this almost at the same time I did proved I still had a long way to go on this Cruz-level philosophizing. “She’s my other half,” I told him. I didn’t bother to lower my voice, because Hana deserved to know what I was thinking and feeling. I’d never hide what I felt for her, never try to bury it or make light of it again.
She stiffened a little as my words hit her, but smiled. I felt it warm my soul.
“Yeah, I can see that,” Cormac said. He was across the table from me. He’d leaned back and laid a hand on his flat belly, his legs stretched out in front of him. He looked like an indolent ruler, except that he rubbed Keelie’s arm with his free hand, seeming unable to stop touching her. “And I get it. Totally. When that piece clicks, the world just seems…right.”
“Speaking of right, it’s about time for our baby to go down for the night, and I need to feed him,” Keelie said. She pushed back from the table and rose, with Cormac in tow.
Could Hana and I ever be that in sync? We had been once. Logic stated that we could get there again. Eventually.
I took a sip of my tea, needing the liquid to rinse the bad taste from my mouth. Patience wasn’t my forte. I was a work-hard-get-results kind of man.
We all rose and said our goodbyes. Hana’s eyes widened when Keelie enveloped her in a hug, but she offered her cheek for Cormac’s brotherly kiss, which she returned with a soft pat on his biceps. Then she turned back toward the dining area, a grimace cresting her expression even as she offered to help Maxim and Ida Jane clean up. Thankfully, Maxim had seen that look—and knew what it meant.
“We will clear up. You need to get off that leg.”
Well, so much for the gentle suggestion I’d planned on.
“Is it bad?” Ida Jane asked. “I don’t mean to pry, but I saw you shiftin’ around and, well, I figure it must hurt…”
