“I’m so tangled up, Idge.”Tears formed in my eyes.“I thought falling in love was supposed to be glorious.”
She belly laughed until tears ran down her cheeks.“Cover that sweet pea’s ears for me, Mil-bil.”Once I did, she leaned forward, unconcerned about the mascara streaks down her cheeks.“Falling in love fucking sucked.Being in love, nowthat’srather glorious.”
“No.The being in love is supposed to be work—”
Ida Jane waggled her finger at me.“Who’s in love and who’s struggling with the relationship?”
Snapping my jaw shut, I returned to rubbing my palm up and down the baby’s back.I found it soothing.I hoped she did, too.
“Fallingin love is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.And that includes facing slimeball Dillon when he wanted to hurt me.”She shook her head, a contemplative expression on her face.“Look.Relinquishing control to another person—someone who can hurt you?Believe me, I get the work of that.But it’s also so…lovely.”She smiled and her eyes turned soft.“Maxim sweats for me.”
I blinked.“O-kay.”
She giggled.“That, too.But in the house, I mean.He likes it so cold that I shiver.But he sets the AC to a higher temperature so I won’t turn blue, and he sweats.I keep apple butter on hand because he loves it so much.He surprised me last week with the new line of Hanky Pankies—thanks for telling him I like that brand, by the way.”
“Sure.”I frowned.“But what does this have to do with being in love?”
Ida Jane sighed.“Everyone talks about the flush and heart palpitations of falling in love, but I thinkbeingin love is better.He knows my quirks.He accepts them.Embraces them.When he does that, he makes me feel even more cherished.And that makes me want to show him how much he means to me.We get in a serotonin loop.See?”
I nodded slowly.“Yeah.Ceding the control was hard though, wasn’t it?”
“Nearly broke us,” she said cheerfully.“Same with Cormac and Keelie and Silas and Paloma.”
“Really?”Now that was a fascinating tidbit.
“And Naese?He’s clearly in love with someone but fighting it.Or maybe she’s fighting him.I haven’t figured that part out yet.”
I pursed my lips.“Cruz seems to fit your description, too.”
“Mmm, good point.We’ll keep an eye on him.”She speared me with her gaze.“Think about what fallingis, Mil-bil.It’s letting go, taking a leap of faith.Believe Stolly will catch you, no matter how messy things are or what challenges await.”
My chest clenched painfully.“No one has.Ever.”
She rose and sat next to me on the couch.I rested my head on her shoulder as a few tears fell.I was so tired.And emotional.And leaky.
“Post-partum life is gross.”I sighed.
“And yet Luka’s still here with you.For you.”She kissed the crown of my head.“So am I.So are Maxim and the rest of the guys.You won’t splat if you leap, Millie.I can promise you that.”
Millie
The next morning,as promised, Jonathan Dresden, the lawyer Gunnar had suggested we meet, showed up at our door.I was a mess—unshowered, disheveled, and so very tired.Tears kept streaming down my face due to lack of sleep—thanks to a newborn and my attempt to prepare myself well for this meeting—and stress.
I sat on the couch, Bree in a sling against my chest, and gave my attention to the impeccably dressed attorney.
Luka shuffled around the kitchen to get Jonathan and himself a cup of coffee.My mouth watered at the thought of the clarity-inducing hit, but I sipped on my jumbo bucket of water instead.
“How old is your baby?”Jonathan asked.
“Four days,” Luka said.
“And we need a paternity test,” I added.It was the right call.I knew that.Luka went rigid.“To make sure Luka and Bree are both protected.”
Jonathan smiled.His eyes were sharp, focused, but kinder than the devil who’d shown up with papers in my hospital room.“That’s smart.I can arrange that today.”
“Thank you.I really should have insisted on it sooner.”I looked over at Luka, trying to let him know I meant that.He stared back, his expression easing as tension slid out of him.
Bree fussed, and I patted her bottom.
