I snorted as I collapsed back onto the mattress.“Please.As if that runt toothpick could.No.He poked me, got mad when I ignored him, started yelling, elbowed a flight attendant…” I told her the rest of the tale, following her to the nursery when Bree woke and needed to be changed—which I did, happily—and then fed, which I watched Millie do, happily.
“Wow,” she whispered again and again.“Wow…” She reached over and cupped my cheek, searching my face.“Oh, Luka.He doesn’t matter.You lost yourmother.”She squeezed my hands, her eyes filled with compassion.“I know how much it hurts,” she whispered.“Do…do you want to talk?”
I took a deep breath and met her gaze.“I’m not sure the wedding’s a good idea.”
Chapter16
Millie
Luka paced around me, clearly wound up to the point that he might snap.I sat on the edge of the bed because trembling prevented me from standing.Luka’s sheets were linen, which was made from the flax fiber.Flax, like cotton, was a polymer made mostly of cellulose, but also with hemicelluloses, lignin, pectin, and possibly wax or salts.
I traced the weave with my finger.“You don’t want to marry me?I’m sorry, Luka.I just thought—”
He slid to his knees in front of me, his eyes tortured, his beautiful chest on display.“I want that.Desperately.But you asked when you were afraid of your father’s reach.Now that we’re solving that issue, and we know the money is yours, you don’t need my name, my protection, the Wildcatters resources.I don’t want you to marry me out of obligation.”He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing.Sweat pearled at his hairline.
He was falling apart.And there was only one explanation for the thing he knew.
“You heard,” I said.My tone was flat.“Was it Gunnar or Cruz or Paloma who had you on the phone?”
“It was Cruz, but that’s not what this is about.”
I looked down at him for a long moment, studying his face.Luka’s bones were elegant and harsh.The sharpness of his cheekbones led to such kissable lips.His nose, with its bump and slight twist from being broken in middle school, added to his mystique.
He’d read more books about babies than I had.His audiobook library was now full of books on maintaining a stable relationship with a partner, too.Luka considered himself less because he struggled to read on paper or a computer screen, but he absorbed so much knowledge through audio that I was in awe.
Still, sometimes, he was an epic idiot.Like now, when he was trying to be chivalrous.
“I didn’t ask you to marry me out of obligation.That hasn’t changed.But I’m not sure your assessment of the future is accurate either.”I took a deep breath.“My father has sex tapes.Of me.”
Luka stood so quickly, I fell off the bed.
“The fuck did you say?”he growled.
I didn’t want to say it again.“Years ago, my father hired a PI to follow me.That investigator took video of me each time I went out.I’m not sure why, exactly…”
“But that PI followed you when you hooked up andvideoedit?”He pulled me to my feet.“Do you think he’s still following you?”
“Maybe.He may have video of us together.But I want you to know I was careful.”
Luka clenched his fists and forced words past his stiff lips.“Trent said you were with him that same day, before you were with me.That Bree’shisdaughter.”
My mouth opened, shut, opened again.I had to look like a dying fish, especially as the blood drained from my face.“No, Luka.The only time I’ve been in the same room as Trent since I walked out was at the airport.”
There was a painfully tense silence.
“I never questioned you.About Bree,” Luka finally said.
I tipped my head so I could see him better through my thick glasses.I’d taken to wearing them again, and Luka didn’t seem to mind.In fact, he’d whispered in my ear, all those months ago, that he was wild for them on me.
“No, you didn’t.”My voice broke.“But you arenow.”
Luka rubbed the back of his neck.“No, that’s not what I intend.I…Fuck, Millie.I hate all of this, what it’s doing to you…to us.Gunnar thinks getting the paternity test is a good idea.So does Cruz.And, much as I hate to admit it, Trent got to me.It’s not that I believe a word he said,” he rushed to add.“But who knows what they’re capable of…” He trailed off.
“I see.”I wanted to be rational, to understand the smart move.But right now, this all just made everything hurt.I moved toward the door.“Give me a minute…”
“Where are you going?”he asked.
“I just need a break, Luka.”Tears clogged my voice.I spun on my heel and walked into the nursery.The door shut with a soft click, but it might as well have been a slam.I didn’t know how to move forward with the horrors of my past always nipping at my heels.I didn’t know how to protect myself, my heart, when so much was happening so quickly.
