After I recoveredfrom the initial shock, talking to my mother in the hospital cafeteria wasn’t the hellish experience I’d expected.In fact, I felt numb.Losing Alyssa and worrying over Millie had left me with none of my usual emotional energy to fret about my mom’s approval.
“Why didn’t you tell us about your girlfriend?”My mother’s lips compressed as if she were disappointed.
“I didn’t think you’d care.”
She reared back.“Of course I care that I’m a grandmother.”
I stared down into the sludge in my Styrofoam coffee cup.“You never cared about me.”
She clasped my hand.“Of course we did!We paid for all that hockey equipment and camps and—”
I extricated my hand from hers.“No, you didn’t.Alyssa raised most of those funds.”I met her eyes.“Why are you really here?”
“To see you—”
“And how did you know I was in Detroit?”
Her gaze slipped to the side, her cheeks reddening a bit.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.Someone tipped you off.And now that I have money, you what?Want some of it?”
“We raised you—” Her voice was feeble.
“No, the woman I just cried over raised me.You birthed me, and I’m thankful, but we’re not a family.Alyssa, Bob, and Mike were my family.”
Mom straightened her back and lifted her chin.“I can’t help that your father never wanted to marry me.Make us a family.”
I dug deep, seeking patience when I really didn’t have fucks left to give.“Neither you nor my father cared much for each other, me, the sanctity of marriage, or anything related to stability.”
“We were free spirits.”
“You both had lots of affairs and forgot about your kid at home while you were out partying.”
“I deserved to live my life—”
I shook my head.We’d never agree on what her choices had done to me, so there was no point.I’d tried—again.Now I was done.
“Tell me about the woman who had your baby.Millicent?”Mom scrunched her nose like Millie’s old-fashioned name was something unpleasant.
I sucked in a breath as my mother’s reason for being here—how she knew where to find me—crystallized in my mind.“Who exactly told you I’d be here?”
She attempted nonchalance by picking at her thumbnail and refusing to meet my eyes.“What does that matter?”
“Who?”I kept my tone firm, my gaze unwavering.
“Trenton something.”She waved a hand.“He seems to think you’re shacking up with his fiancée.”Mom leaned forward, her eyes gleaming.“Are you?Did youstealhis bride?”
The numbness that had settled around me with Alyssa’s passing crumbled.My mother didn’t care about me; she wanted the story because she might make a few bucks selling it.Then she could get back to her life and the endless string of meaningless affairs that kept her from connecting with another person.
This woman had birthed me, but she’d also really fucked me up.For nearly twenty-five years, I’d thought her behavior was normal.Or that there was something wrong with me for wanting more—for wanting the closeness Alyssa and Bob had, the attention they’d showered on Mike and any other kid in the neighborhood who seemed to need it.
I’d told myself it didn’t matter, that I was happy skimming through life like my mother.Because it’s what I’d learned from her.
But then I’d met Millie.I’d looked into her beautiful eyes and seen a different future—one like Alyssa had with Bob, one I’d craved from the moment I’d seen them together.
I was building that now with Millie.
Or I would as soon as I returned to her, which needed to be soon, especially now that I knew that piece of shit Trent was keeping tabs.I rose from the plastic chair.
