She whispered the last so softly; I knew she’d never have the courage to say it in daylight.
In that moment, seeing my life from Millie’s perspective, it felt like someone had scraped my soul with a dull spoon.She saw the women, the dating, and all the sex she imagined as a huge barrier, whereas I’d always viewed it as a journey.I’d hoped to find a woman I wanted for more than a night, a week, or hell, even a couple of months once or twice.But those relationships had fizzled quickly because I’d always been searching for more.
For forever.
I wanted the commitment and surety of being together.I wanted love.
And thatneedhad made me feel weak and antsy and…fucking stupid.
But it’s what I wanted, desperately, because I’d watched Alyssa share that with Bob until his death, and I’d envied their son Mike for his sure-footed knowledge that he belonged to something important.To people who loved him, quirks and warts and all.
“I don’t think you understand how muchthismeans to me,” I said.
Millie flinched, drawing away, but I held her to me—not tightly, just enough so she knew that’s where I wanted her to be.She relaxed back into me slowly, like a skittish cat that expected the hand to pat too hard.
“Being here with you, holding you and our daughter…” I cleared my throat as emotions bombarded me.There wasn’t a way for me to allay Millie’s concerns about my past—not completely—so I focused on what I could change: our future.
Her hand drifted down to squeeze my wrist.“Because of your parents?”Before I could respond, she said, “We have that in common, you know.My dad truly doesn’t care about me as a person, just as an object that can benefit him.That’s why I moved here.”
More pieces of Millie’s life and personality fell into place.“To get away from him.”
“Yes.He’s proven I can’t trust him.”
Bree’s movements had slowed.Millie’s voice was thick with sleep.I’d guess she was close to slumber, yet she continued to engage me.I swallowed the emotion squeezing my throat.We were a pair, she and I.
“Having you and Bree in my life, it’s a chance to have afamily,” I told her.“I’ve always wanted a family.To belong.”
“But what if we don’t work out?That scares me.”Her words were tight, as were her muscles.Sleep had faded as she faced a monumental fear.
I nuzzled into her neck, holding her close.“Me, too.But you know what?”
“No.”
I smiled.“I’m willing to give you and Bree my all.Not just because of Bree, but because of the connection we made at that restaurant.”
“You were—are—every woman’s fantasy,” she mumbled.Once again, she softened toward sleep.
“I only want to be yours.”
“You’re so perfect, Luka.No wonder I dream about you.”
I kept my knees up and my hips back, not wanting Millie to freak out at the enormous erection I couldn’t shake.This constant state of arousal annoyed me, but I couldn’t seem to prevent my dick’s desire to get closer to her.It loved her scent.It loved the softness of her skin, her laugh, her raspy morning voice, shower gel, and the way she sometimes sighed and relaxed when I touched her, as she’d done just now.
“’Night, baby girl,” I said, running my palm from the top of Millie’s bump around the side to her hip.I repeated the caress over and over.Bree calmed.So did Millie.Soon, both my girls were asleep.
Peace permeated my bones, drew into my chest, and settled there.
I lay awake, my arm wrapped around her middle, enjoying the closeness.Until this moment, I’d never known what it would be like to be truly intimate with another person.My teammates were awesome, but I didn’t share all my feelings—not like Cormac and Cruz.Even Maxim had begun to.
I’d assumed the best course of action was to hold it all in, like I did my fears and uncertainties about hockey—especially my fears and uncertainties about having a deep, meaningful relationship because I didn’t know what to do or how to do it.
I hadn’t realized the sheer joy of resting together, of being close simply because I enjoyed Millie’s company.I hadn’t known because I hadn’t seen such connections growing up.
More thoughts about family and intimacy raced through my mind until my eyes grew heavy and I slid into sleep, only to be screeched awake what felt like mere seconds later.
“We are so late!”Millie squealed.
“Wh…?”
