I’d told him I couldn’t, that I was leaving on a business trip.That was true, but I’d been vague, unwilling to tell him my “trip” would be for years.I hadn’t wanted to let our connection go.
I’d met his gaze, searching for anything nefarious in his eyes.He’d let me look.He’d waited, patient, as he continued to caress my skin.I’d let myself fall into the feeling.With a deep, soft breath, I’d admitted Luka Stol infatuated me.
Shit.Shit!This was because I’d let myself feel something, want something.I’d wanted Luka with an all-consuming need, and now, two months later, I was having his baby.Luka Stol, the up-and-coming offensive star of the Houston Wildcatters.I was screwed.My throat clamped as emotions swirled through me.Fear drove the rest, as it often did.
Fear of the unknown, fear of being hurt, fear of being responsible for a tiny, defenseless baby.I’d moved to a foreign country.I was much too far from my friends.Ida Jane… What was Ida Jane going to say?I couldn’t tell her.I had to tell her…
Once I told her, her husband, D-man Maxim Dolov, would know, and that meant I had to tell Luka before Maxim did.
I didn’t want to tell Luka.I didn’t want to be pregnant!
The chance to work in this paradise coincided with a need to show my bosses that I deserved not just this position, but a promotion.I clutched the gown tighter and groaned.This was a nightmare.I began to tick with molecular structure, needing the comfort of chemistry to calm myself.
Babies were made up mostly of carbon, but also oxygen, nitrogen, calcium, magnesium… I continued to list the basic building blocks that made up a human life.
I was growing a human inside me.
The very thing I’d fought so hard against when I was with Trent.
My hand slid to my flat stomach.I was having Luka Stol’s baby.A kernel of excitement lit me up.I’dneverplanned to have a child.Now, now…oh, I wanted the baby.
I was having a baby!
This was my choice.Mine.Only mine.
I lifted my gaze to Dr.Perera’s.“I can’t function right now.”
He nodded.“We may need to consider more drastic options than an antinausea medicine.And we might have to consider bed rest if you aren’t feeling well enough to travel to and from work.”
I shook my head, which made it seem like my neck was a string and my head a plummeting, snapping kite.
No bed rest.No.That—no, I’d lose my job, have to go back to Houston.Back to Luka.Yes, I wanted to see him, have him hold me, share this experience with me, but that also meant back to my father and Trent.
So, no.I wasn’t going back.
I despised the anxiety that rooted through my body, its shoots flickering out into my petrified limbs and squeezing my quelled heart.I hated that I continued to give Trent the power to sear off my independence and well-built life and send me back to being a crumpled, shuddering form in the bed.
I gritted my teeth and forced away the memories.They lived in a small box with a blue lid.The blue was cesium, element 55 on the periodic table.They’d named it after the Latin word, caesius, which meant blue sky.
After a few more repetitions, I breathed normally.A child was simply a change of direction.I smiled at Dr.Perera, striving to be normal.Once he left, shutting the door with a soft, firm click, I rested against the bed.My eyes slid shut, and I moved through my breathing exercises.
Luka wasn’t anything like Trent.And I wasn’t the same naïve young woman who’d believed wholeheartedly in love and perfect marriages to a dream man.I was Millicent Anne Jones, and I was strong, forged into it by circumstances.Iwasin control of my destiny.
Behind my lids, more moments of my time with Luka bubbled forward.I’d handed him control of my body, but that had been only for one night.I’d made a calculated decision and reveled in every second.Adored it.I’d felt empowered by my decision, my choice, to be intimate with such a perfect man on my terms.
But even then, evennow, I would never give Luka or any other man control over the rest of my life.Nonetheless, my future, the one I’d planned down to the freakinghourfor the next three years, crumbled around me.
And I had only myself—and Luka Stol—to blame.
Luka
I wokeup with Millie’s name on my lips, my hips grinding into my tangled sheets.I collapsed on my back and stared up at the ceiling as I tried to regulate my breathing.
Shit.Fuck.Damn.
I looked over at the clock on my bedside table.Five forty-five.It was a cheap clock—and a cheap nightstand.Buying real furniture would happen once I was certain Houston wanted to keep me.I wanted a long-term contract like Cormac and Maxim had.Then, finally, I’d be able to move into my forever home.So I couldn’t mess up this season by doing stupid shit.
My phone.Where was my phone?
