I opened the door to find Naese, my friend and nuisance, on the other side.He looked...unkempt, and unhappier than usual.
“What’s up?”I asked.
“Why do you have a shrub on your table?”he asked, ignoring my question as he pushed past me into my space.He bristled with testosterone.“Shouldn’t that be in dirt?”
“It is in dirt, dipshit.And I’ve got a big pot for it outside on the terrace.I just haven’t planted it yet.Oh, hey!I got a new picture of my kid.Look.”I pulled the 3-D sonogram from my wallet and showed him Bree’s cute little face.“Millie sent them to me last night.”
I’d asked her to do this special procedure so I had something tangible of my daughter.Millie agreed to most of my requests, as long as they didn’t include her returning to Houston or me bringing our daughter to the city.
“She’s tiny.Cute,” Naese said, handing the photo back.
Fine, he wasn’t into the bonding-over-kids thing.Where was Cormac or even Maxim when I needed them?At their houses with their women.
Envy welled because I wanted that—what they had.
“Want to see the photo Millie sent me this morning of her bump?”I asked.
“No, man.Looking at your woman’s belly is weird.”He pierced me with his narrowed gaze.“Isshewhy you have a plant on your table?Are you practicing keeping something alive?Gotta say, I think the practice-with-a-cat thing makes more sense.Cuz it’s likealivealive.”
“Shut up, dickhead.I didn’t buy a plant to practice on.”I’d bought a baby doll, which was currently on the pillows of my bed, the closest thing I had to a full-time connection with my child.I scuffed my toe on the hardwood, refusing to meet Naese’s gaze in case he figured that out and busted my balls.“Lilac reminds me of Millie.And since we need to complete the season...”I shrugged.“Made me feel closer to her.”
Naese’s ass thudded with an unrecognizable heaviness onto one of my barstools.
“Careful, man,” I said.“I like those.”
“And the grapefruit?Do you even like grapefruit?”Naese reached over and snagged the lilac, burying his face into the blooms.
“I love how they smell on Millie.But they’re bitter and taste like a year-old orange.”
He burbled out a halfhearted laugh.“Give ’em to Mac.He likes the juice.”
Chapter5
Millie
Ilingered in my kitchen, feeling restless and listless after I finished my tea and hoping Luka would call.I hadn’t seen him in nine weeks, and I missed him more with each passing day.Much as I hated to admit it, I cared about him.A lot.And talking to him was the highlight of my day.
I wondered how he was feeling.He’d seemed a bit down since they lost their championship run a couple weeks ago.The Wildcatters had been close to a title, making it all the way to the conference finals.I’d hated how defeated Luka had looked as he did a final lap around the ice after that last game.
When it didn’t seem I was going to hear from him this morning, I went out onto my balcony and looked down at the city and the sea beyond.I loved the view but felt unsettled—no, worse than that.Luka never missed a day of talking to me, to find out about Bree.Yet he hadn’t called yesterday.And he hadn’t let me know he’d planned to skip today.Maybe he hadn’t planned on it and something terrible happened.
Ida Jane would have told me, wouldn’t she?
Or what if nothing was wrong, but he’d decided I was too much work with my cold shoulder and unwillingness to discuss my reasons for not returning to Houston.Maybe he was out right now and had met a new, beautiful woman.
Maybe he’d decided I wasn’t worth the effort.
I couldn’t blame him.I’d been shoving him away since we’d spent the night together.Melancholy clutched at my chest, and I blinked back tears.
If Luka had given up on me, I had no one to blame but myself.I couldn’t be mad at him, and that brought my mood even lower.As I looked out toward the sea, I admitted that I missed Ida Jane fiercely.I even missed the smog and noise and humidity of Houston.But mostly, I missed Luka.
He’d been so kind, even when I’d kicked him out of the car and sent him directly back to Houston after Bree’s sonogram.
He hadn’t needed to be; I hadn’t expected his kindness after that.But Luka, I’d realized, was inherently good, just as Maxim had said.He deserved better than me, better than the position I’d forced him into.But I was afraid—so damn afraid to go back to Houston, to let my father know I had a baby, to tell Luka the sordid details of my past.
The door’s chime took me by surprise, causing me to spin around too fast.I grasped the balcony railing for support, waiting for the dizziness to pass.Then I headed toward the door, praying, as I always did, that my father wasn’t on the other side.
My palms were sweaty as I eased closer and peeked out the glass side panel.I had to grab the door handle for support so I didn’t collapse to my knees—or worse, fall flat on my face.
