“It…means…Millie…treated you…like you…treatthem.”
Confusion settled over me, and my brows tugged low.“Them?Who?”
“The women you screw, Luka.Keep up!”
My ears and cheeks burned, and my mouth dropped open.I wasn’tthatbad.I gave the women I slept with a delightful night.We had fun.We both orgasmed—multiple times for her, though I’d never turned down a thank-you blowie—and then I ghosted.I never gave those women my number.I never looked them up again.
“Shit, Ma!Shit!What if there are other little Lukas running around and I—”
“Calm your titties.There aren’t.”
“How do you know—”
“I know stuff, and I especially wanted to know about pregnancies that could be used against you.”
Of course she did.Ma was as no-nonsense as they came.She wouldn’t allow a puck bunny to derail my career.
“Now, focus on Millie.She dumped you, moved to Sri Lanka for work, and called to let you know she’s pregnant but expects nothing from you.”
“That pisses me off,” I admitted.
“Which bit?”
“The dumping, moving, and expecting nothing from me,” I mumbled.
“Why?”Alyssa asked.“Based on your past behavior—which I’m betting she knows about since it’s in all the tabloids—I would think you’d be happy not to have to deal with a child.The responsibility is awesome.”
I rubbed my hand up and down my neck.Jitters had replaced the earlier noodliness in my body.I needed to run or skate until I collapsed.I hopped off my couch and paced; my sneakers made a soft squeak on the hardwood.“Iknowthat.”
“And you know that she knows about your reputation becauseeveryoneknows about it, Luka.You weren’t discreet.”
“I’m twenty-three!”
“And it’s already biting you in the ass, hard, which should tell you about all that partying.”She harrumphed.
“I…” What to say.How to explain.“Sex is simple for a professional athlete.”
“I know,” she groused.
“But it’s also meaningless.”I rubbed my chest as that horrible longing ripped through it again.
“Why’s that?”Alyssa asked.
“Because…” How to explain something I didn’t understand myself?“I want what you and Bob had, Ma.”
“Aaaaaaaaah.”She drew out the word.“I wondered.”
I frowned.“About what?”
“You were always so eager for hugs, for praise.It made you an incredible athlete, but you’ve been using those women to give you connection—a sense of belonging with and to someone else.Like I had with my Bob.”
“I… Yeah.”
“It’s okay to be affectionate, Luka.It’s okay to want a deep, lasting relationship—to know that other person’s gonna love you, be there for you, no matter what.”
I shook my head because I didn’t know how to get those things, but based on how achy my chest was and the sting in my eyes and nose, that wasexactlywhat I wanted.I quit walking so fast, I tripped over my own feet.“With Millie, there was connection.We…clicked,” I choked out.“But I don’t know what to do.”
Damn, these emotions were big.Fucking scary—like my mind was battering my body from the inside, and I didn’t know what to do with these strange and terrible feelings.
