I swallowed again, slipping my feet into the sneakers Cruz had dropped in front of me.He remained silent, letting me talk.He was a good listener.
“I think… I think I’m not okay.”
Cruz laid his huge palms on my shoulders and stared into my face.“That’s a shit story,” he murmured.“A shit-ton to process all at once.Don’t try.Just take the first step.”
Cruz always knew what to say, the bastard.I loved him for it.He waited for my nod.“I made you one of those smoothies you like,” he continued.“You can drink that on the way to Cormac’s and try to get your head right.”
He carried my gear even as he grabbed his from just inside my door.He shoved the drink he’d made into my chest and motioned me out.Once he locked up my place, I fell into position behind him and followed him all the way to his truck.
Cruz liked trucks.The bigger, the growlier the better.Same with dogs.Dude was always rescuing dogs, preferably former military ones, but he’d foster police K-9s as well.He never kept them, though I’d seen how attached he became to each one.Instead, he vetted the potential owners.Cruz let the dogs out of his care only when he was certain the person would make the dog’s life better.
I put on my seatbelt and took a long swig of the smoothie.Sweet and creamy, the flavors of strawberry and banana burst on my tongue.I was hungry.I took another long pull, enjoying the taste and the slow filling of my belly.
“What do you know about kids?”I asked.
Cruz shot me an unfathomable look.“What age?”
“Um, tiny.”
“Infants, toddlers, or preschoolers?Early-elementary age?What are you asking about?”
“Just-born kids.”
Cruz pulled out of the space with a long-suffering sigh.“So, you mean what’s it going to be like when your kid’s born?”
“Yeah.That.I’ve never been around a baby.”
He shook his head and launched into an explanation of infancy up to early-childhood education that would have made Keelie, Cormac’s fiancée, proud.And I hung on his every fucking word.
Millie
I staredat the phone in horror as I pressed a hand to my still-flat stomach.Why had I hung up?Why hadn’t I let Luka speak?Why couldn’t I respond to his messages?
Anxiety pumped through me, along with fear and doubt and anger at myself.Sure, I’d been afraid, but I hadn’t been mature.I’d run away from Luka, from my feelings, again.
Swallowing the hard, ragged lump of emotion in my throat, I switched over to my laptop and opened a video chat with Ida Jane.
“There’s something wrong with me,” I rasped out instead of a greeting.
“Besides the fact that you’re growing a life inside you, and said life is sabotaging your ability to eat and drink like a normal person?”Ida Jane wrinkled her nose.“You’re not selling the whole pregnancy thing.”
“This is the most intense weight-loss journey I’ve ever been on, and it sucks,” I said.“But besides that, whichstillsucks…” I laid my forehead in my upturned palms.“…I called Luka and told him about the baby.”
“About damn time,” I heard Maxim growl from the background.
“Shouldn’t he be watching film?”I asked.
“He just got home,” Ida Jane said.She smiled at what I assumed was Maxim off screen before she returned her attention to me.“Stol—”
“Luka,” I snapped.
“Lukacame by and mentioned it,” Ida Jane said.
Maxim didn’t bother to show his face—he was angry with me for not telling Luka sooner.I deserved that.I lifted my face and let Ida Jane see my wet cheeks, my red-rimmed eyes, my contorted mouth.I was an ugly crier, always had been.
“So how’s our little Gordie?”Ida Jane asked, no doubt trying to distract me from my concerns.
I wrinkled my nose.“Gordie?”
