Nope, not adorable. It was a regular kitchen scene with a father and daughter. Nothing special about it. That was my story, and I stuck to it as I crept back to my room and then to the bathroom for a quick shower. Xavier had taken responsibilityfor Violet this morning, but he wouldn't be able to stand much longer on that ankle, so I moved quickly and dressed in jeans and a sweater.
Dressed and with my emotional walls erected high and fortified, I walked into the kitchen and made a beeline for the coffee pot, ignoring the stillnotadorable father-daughter scene before me. Xavier was still shirtless as he faced Violet in her highchair, gnawing on a handful of scrambled eggs with a satisfied hum. His smile was wide and proud. "Pretty good, right?"
She babbled at him, and I looked away because despite his flaws, Xavier was going to be a great father to Violet.
"Good morning, Rosalee." His voice was rich and deep, and I felt the weight of his gaze on me while I filled a coffee mug.
"Morning." I kept my answers short and my words clipped because he didn't deserve nice. Not today.
"Sleep okay?"
I shrugged, finding the courage to turn around and face him. "Decent, thanks."
"Sit. Have some breakfast." He smiled, and my knees wobbled, but only a little before I willed them to be strong.I will not succumb to that smile. Or breakfast.I wouldn't succumb, but I would indulge in the delicious-smelling spread.
"Okay. Thanks for making breakfast." I sat as far from him as I could and piled scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast with butter and jam on my plate. I probably should've left the butter and jam off the bread, but I wasn't thinking about my curves or those extra fifteen pounds. I just wanted to indulge in something I shouldn't, and since Xavier was no longer an option, blackberry jam was. "It's good."
"I can cook," he offered with a shy smile. "I just didn't have a reason to do it often. Bagels and cream cheese are fine when it's just me."
"Still no reason," I answered. "Violet can eat oatmeal or toast for breakfast."
"I wanted to make it. For you."
I shook my head, ignoring that emotional landmine. "You should stay off that ankle as much as possible right now."
"Not my first sprained ankle." His lips curled into a lopsided smile that made my core clench and my pussy pulse hard. And fast. "I want you to take the day off. Me and Violet will be fine."
"Your ankle," I began, but he cut me off.
"My ankle means I'm not going anywhere today, and I'm sure I can still outrun Violet if I need to. Take the day off and meet with friends."
"The few friends I have are too far away for a day trip." It wasn't meant to make him guilty; it was just the truth.
"Fine," he bit out on a frustrated groan. "Head down the mountain, do some shopping, and enjoy having a few hours to yourself. You deserve it."
I did deserve it, dammit. "I will, thanks."
Xavier volunteered to clean up the kitchen, so I said goodbye to Violet, jumped in my car, and headed down the mountain. The roads had been cleared of the recent snowfall, and it was an easy drive, which gave me far too much time to think.
About Xavier.
Was he giving me time off because he realized he needed to get rid of me and therefore needed to get used to being a single father? Was he interviewing my replacement today? Did he have a day date set up, and he just wanted me out of the house to assuage his guilt?
Ugh, I hate this.I decided to lose myself in a little bit of retail therapy, which was really a pathetic attempt that included two pairs of wool socks, new dancing lollipop pajama pants, and a negligee.For me, not for anyone else.That's what I told myself because it was the truth—mostly, anyway—and because I wasonly holding out a little bit of hope that things with Xavier would improve.
The smallest sliver of hope that existed was still too much as far as I was concerned, and it angered me that his bad behavior wasn't enough to banish him from my heart. I shouldn't have slept with him; I knew that now. I didn't regret it—how could I when it was so amazing? No, I would never regret losing my virginity or a piece of my heart to Xavier, but I wasn't as prepared for the feelings as I should have been.
It wasn't the sex that made me fall for him; it was those moments when he was unguarded and sweet, when he forgot to be a gruff and grumpy mountain man, when he'd stolen my heart. If he'd continued to be the grump, I could've handled it and protected my heart more effectively.
Damn him.
My phone buzzed and rang in my purse, and I dug it out just in case Xavier needed something for Violet or needed me. My help, I mean, not me.
It wasn't Xavier, though, but an unknown number I was pretty sure belonged to Jason, so I ignored it. Twice. He'd paid more attention to me over the past couple of months than he had throughout our entire relationship, which only meant that this deal was big and he couldn't cinch it on his own. That thought made me smile. For all the times Jason had made me feel worthless, ugly, and fat, he needed me more than he ever realized. I charmed the people that he insulted—accidentally or on purpose—and soothed the feathers he ruffled. I did it because I loved him, because I thought he loved me and that if I were better, thinner, prettier, he would love me more.
But he never loved me.
Never gave a damn about me.
