Winnie made a face and swiftly exited the room, the door shutting firmly in her wake.
Adelaide spun around, setting the book aside and folding her hands behind her back. “Alana.”
“Y-yes, my queen?”
An incredibly awkward silence passed. “What do you know of intercourse?”
I was ready to die, I decided. But death did not seize me, so I answered. “I-I know precious little, Your Majesty. I admit, I have read books with…”
My eyes went to the book next to Queen Adelaide.
“Lascivious details,” I continued. “But I am sure it is quite unlike reality.”
The queen sucked her teeth. It could be concluded that this was a conversation she’d never had before, certainly not with Nicolas. I absorbed the discomfort she emitted.
“Shall we sit down?”
“No. I will be brief.” Adelaide circled me once before her attention snapped up with a suddenness that made me flinch. “When it comes time on your wedding night, your role is simple. You shall allow the prince to undress you as he sees fit, lay on your back, and allow him entry. I suspect he’ll know the rest.”
My eyes went deliriously wide with horror. I clutched my skirts.
“When he has finished, you should keep your legs elevated a while so that his seed is not wasted. During the wedding, you should gorge yourself exclusively on pomegranates and oysters. This may prove difficult, as there will be a varied feast, but you must be strong-willed.”
I wasn’t sure I heard a word beyondseed, but I nodded anyway and tried not to succumb to lightheadedness.
Queen Adelaide looked me over. “All right, very good. Now, you will be expected to be fruitful for as long as your body demands it. This is a matter in which I have failed greatly, but you must aim to do better. Having a single heir is dangerous… Nicolas’ life is damned precious, and if he’d fallen to illness or been otherwise killed, we would have no hope for a future king. You will want to spare yourself of this particular indignity. I will arrange a place within the castle for your apothecary parents to assist your wellbeing. If you are fortunate, you will first bear a son, and there will be less pressure to try again straightaway, allowing you some time to regain…”
My ears started to ring.
A son. I hadn’t considered it. I’d be expected to conceive a child, and I’d made peace with that, but only now did the full gravity of the situation set in. My heart fluttered, mind reeling and swirling until I could no longer stand on my own. I clung to the bedpost and drew a deep breath.
The queen said something else, but I heard nothing, because I would need to have a son, a son I could not speak to without...
I put a hand over my mouth and gagged.
“Alana?” The queen’s voice carried from far away.
A son I couldn’t sing to, couldn’t comfort. A child who would never hear his mother say, “I love you.”
My knees buckled. I gripped the bedpost harder, knuckles white, nails digging into the wood; anything to anchor myself before the realization swallowed me whole.
“Sit, my child,” Adelaide commanded. For once, her voice was gentle. “Put your head between your knees.”
I did as I was told, collapsing onto the rug. I folded inward, drawing ragged, terrified breaths. The queen’s approach was barely noticeable beyond my tremors, nor the hand she placed upon my head.
“I was afraid, too,” Queen Adelaide admitted, misinterpreting my panic for mere virginal nerves. “But I am sure Nicolas will be kind to you.”
“Oh, gods!” I wept.
The queen frowned, patting me again. Then she straightened, heading for the door.
“I…” she began, pausing to look once more upon my fetal form. “I only meant to prepare you. I am sorry to have caused such a fright. I’ll have Winnie Balden bring a calming tea.”
I said nothing.
The door closed. I waited one heartbeat, two, and three, before burying my face into the silk layers of my skirt and screaming until my throat was raw with the taste of iron, the sound cracking and fading like spent embers. I screamed for all the songs unsung, the bedtime stories trapped beneath my teeth, for every way I would fail a child not yet conceived.
Winnie would not find me in my chambers.
