I love it when she calls me fiancé. I could get used to this. But I don’t say this out loud because that will only freak her out right now.
“Hell no, we’re not telling her anything like that. We need to make sure we get things solid for you guys. We have to do whatever it takes, and if being your pretend fiancé and living together for a while is what it takes, we’ll do it,” I tell her.
“I don’t know...” she says, eyebrows pinching. “I’m worried we’re going to confuse Owen. He might get his hopes up and then be crushed.”
Or more like that is whatsheis afraid of. But I don’t say that.
I blink. “Owen isn’t confused. He wants to know where we’re going and what the plan is. He’s good, Poppy. He needs stability and reassurance, which we’ve always given him. This time it just looks a little different.”
“Did you tell him what’s going on?” she asks, her eyes widening.
“No.” I shake my head. “I thought we’d talk to him about it together.”
She exhales hard and rubs her face. “Okay. But do we tell him the truth?”
“Now I’m confused.” I meet her eyes. “What’s the truth?”
She lightly slaps my shoulder. Not hard. Playful. “Exactly. Everything is a mess, Ollie. Suddenly, we’re engaged, without me knowing,” she says dryly. “Funny, I don’t remember the proposal.”
I grab her wrist gently and smile. “I’m just trying to help you.”
Her smile falters. “This isn’t real.”
“Do you want it to be real?” I ask, sucking in a breath, searching her eyes, waiting for her response.
Her eyes shoot to mine, and there’s a vulnerability there that makes my heart clench while I wait for her answer.
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She smiles weakly and says softly, “I know I can’t lose you.”
I nod slowly. “So, you think if we’re never real, then you can never lose me.”
She shrugs and sighs. “I know it’s dumb.”
“It’s not dumb,” I say. “You’re protecting your heart.”
Which makes me angry that Sully did this to them. Made them distrust anyone and unable to be happy. Because both have learned from him that love has to be earned and is never actually attainable. I’d really like to punch Sully right now. They’ve also been in survival mode, fighting for everything that they have, and that needs to stop, too.
She looks down at the carpet. “I’ve lost everyone who mattered.”
And some who don’t matter. That still hurts, too.
“You don’t have to protect yourself from me,” I say quietly. “I told you I’m here and I always will be. And always have been.”
She looks up at me then,reallylooks at me. A whole conversation passes between our eyes. And this is a connection most people never have with another human, yet she and I do. It’s pure love. Even when it’s not outspoken love, it’s always been love for us. It’s always been Poppy for me. No matter how bad things have been for either of us, we’ve always had each other.
Right now, she feels like I’m the one carrying both of them. But she’s carried me, too. When I went through the fireacademy, it was her and Owen there at my graduation with my sister. When things were bad with my parents, it was Poppy’s window I used to sneak into to stay the night. Poppy’s been there for me more than she’ll ever know. And I would do anything for her. Anything. I need her to understand this.
I don’t say it right away.
I reach for her instead, my hands settling lightly on her hips, drawing her in just enough that I have to tilt my head to meet her gaze, just enough that I can read her face. Her palms land softly on my shoulders, her body leaning slightly into me as she steadies herself.
The idea’s been brewing for a while now, solid, and right, but it’s big. Once I say it, there’s no taking it back.
I’m not hesitating because I don’t want it. I’m hesitating because I don’t know how she’ll react.
I take a breath and go for it. “I think we should go down to the courthouse and just get married. Make it official and move in together. That way, we protect Owen. We establish a stable home in the apartment. We get out from under your dad’s mess, and the CPS mess, and we live a simple, good life. We can figure out everything later. Let’s just do it.”
She looks like she’s trying to steady herself. “You really mean this?”
