“Did you enjoy your massage?” She asks me.
Did I? I wasn’t sure. I could have put a stop to it. I could have told him no. I knew those wasn’t damn oils, but I let him put his fingers and mouth everywhere on my body.
Did it feel good? The flashbacks of every sensation crawl through my body, causing a wetness to seep between my legs.
Yes, it felt good, and I was ashamed that I’d let a stranger invade my body because once he’d started I didn’t have to strength to tell him to stop.
I knew it was wrong. I just felt shameful and dirty and nothing could wash away the feeling of shame.
I could go home and scrub my skin until it bled, and I’d still feel shameful that I let a stranger touch me in ways I’d never let anyone touch me.
I wanted to scream, I tried to scream but the only thing that came out of my mouth were strangled sobs and moans, Iwas terrified, I didn’t know what he was going to do to me in that room but as the crawling fear spread through my body, I enjoyed it, the fear, the pleasure—the shame.
The fact he’d called it a massage was almost laughable. I could still feel him between my legs.
“Are you okay, babe?” I look at Christina and give her a weak smile.
“I’m fine.”
“Did you not enjoy your massage?”
“It was fine. I think I’m just tired.” I lie.
What was I supposed to tell her? I just couldn’t even bring myself to think about what happened in that room, so how could I explain it to her? I never said stop, so it wasn’t rape, but I also wasn’t sure if I wanted it, even though the entire feeling of being afraid had made my knees weak, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling—I was just numb.
“Well, I did have a few other things planned.” She sounds disappointed. “But we can go home and you can sleep before tonight if you like.”
“I think I’d like that.” I smile.
I don’t remember muchof the ride home, only that it was filled with silence, which I was grateful for because I didn’t feel like talking, anyway.
Once I’m in my room, I can’t wait to rid myself of the clothes that cling to my body. Looking down at my naked frame, I see splashes of crimson smeared across my skin.
What was it paint?
I wasn’t sure. I remember in that small room there was a distinct scent of copper, but I couldn’t place what it could be. Normally spas smell clean and welcoming, but that particular room had the odor of decay.
Walking under the shower I let the warm water slide across my body and wash away the events of the day, I didn’t know who he was all I knew was he controlled my body in a way that made me almost fearful and excited at the same time.
Sitting on the ground of the shower, I let it wash away my impure thoughts. It could have been someone I knew. I’d never looked back. I didn’t dare.
I think it was more exciting not knowing who it was, would I have been repulsed if I’d have seen him, sure he felt good and his voice did things to my body that hands never could but what if I ever came face to face with him? Would I recognise his voice and then what?
God, I was driving myself crazy.
Curling my knees to my chest, I finally let the tears fall. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying but sitting alone in the shower all the pent-up feelings I had poured out of me.
Walking out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my body, I curl up on my bed and hope that sleep will consume and take me away from my manic thoughts that currently held me in a prison.
“Oh my god, Dove.” Christina rushes into my room and a groan falls from my throat.
“Do I need to start locking my door?”
“What?”
“Well, every time I finally relax, you barge in here with no consideration for anyone else.”
“Don’t be silly.”
