I was ruining everything around me while searching for what I wanted in my life, and that realization had the lump in my throat growing. I didn’t want to destroy Dad’s dream for the future of his business and succession. I didn’t want to hurt the boy I’d loved for so long. I didn’t want to be a source of pain for anyone.
“Okay,” I whispered around the tightness in my chest. “I won’t ignore you anymore.”
A grin lit up his face, and he nodded hard. “Good. Great. Thank you.”
I didn’t respond. I pulled my arm free and quickly left the office behind, though the dark emotions I desperately wanted to leave there too followed.
Six Months Ago
Diary Entry 98
Dear Twila,
He did it again today. I was fine, working as normal, but out of nowhere, something in my body went wrong. Suddenly, I’d stepped into muddy water, and a cold fog rolled in. I couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly so empty and struggling when all I was doing was cooking dinner while Bradley watched the football game on TV.
When Bradley tried talking to me about the awesome play his team made, I tried to pay attention. I tried to tear my feet out of the mud and get my head cleared, if only to show feigned enthusiasm. But my mumbled acknowledgment was all I could find the energy for.
He asked what was wrong, but I didn’t know. I couldn’t even tell why I was feeling hollow and bleak, so how was I supposed to give him an answer? He kept demanding I explain my change in mood. He kept asking why I was being “blah” all of a sudden.
He kept pushing until I wassuffocating.
Why couldn’t he give me space to understand what I was struggling with? Why couldn’t he let me sit and process the overwhelming thoughts? Why can’t he eventryto understand me?
Is it because I’m too much to understand?
Am I too dark for people to bother with?
I wish I knew. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn’t so alone.
Chapter 20
Serenity
I SAT BEHIND THE TABLE, a bright yet anxious grin on my face as I dipped my head in greeting to people as they passed by me. They probably thought I had bugs crawling on me from how much I shifted and fidgeted in my seat, which sat front and center to the bookstore’s entrance. I’d been so nervous about today that I’d tried on four different outfits this morning before finally settling on my black skirt, periwinkle top, and wild hair half up.
My new trilogy decorated the table with its bright colors, flames, and dragon scales. I rolled my blue sharpie around and twisted its cap as I waited on pins and needles for patrons to stop and buy my now complete book set.
Even more than those strangers, I waited for a certain guitarist to arrive.
It had been torture trying to hide my identity as SC Draven from Dante, especially this past month. With how often we hung out these days, I worried about spoiling the surprise. I had to hide every box of books containing my author copies when they arrived, and I turned off all my social media notifications when he was around. But just as release day for my book was finally here, reveal day was, too.
He’d finally see the author who had become one of his favorites.
He’d finally see who I was and who Iwantedto be.
My phone buzzed in the pocket of my skirt. I quickly dug it out, warmth surging through my veins when I saw Dante’s name lighting up the screen.
“Hello?” I answered, barely fighting my nervous overly-wide grin.
“Morning, beautiful,” Dante responded. “I’m about to be at the bookstore. Are you on your way?”
“Actually, I’m already here. I’m inside.”
“Oh, yeah. I see your car now. You better not have already talked to the author and gotten her signature without me.”
I laughed softly at the half-hearted threat in his voice. Instead of abating his worries, I watched the entrance and mused, “She was so nice. I love the pen color she used to sign my book.”
“You’re shitting me,” he gasped. A car door slammed in the background. “If you’re serious, you’re going to be in for somehardpunishment later. I—”
