The mating bonds were fully formed, and I could feel it, like shining golden strings connecting me to them. But my death hovered over me as a reminder not to allow myself to get too close. After my time in the dungeon, I let myself forget that boundary. The need to feel something good, to marvel in their desire—their love—was too overpowering. Although everything in me begged to allow myself to fall into this union, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let myself sink into my desire to be with them. Not when they could be ripped away from me at any moment.
Taking one last look, I gently untangled myself, crawling out of bed. The ache of last night felt deliciously sore, so much so that I dared a look back, peering over their powerful naked bodies. My soul pulled me to them, need rising so fiercely that I hesitated at the foot of the bed, but I forced that need back into the dark corners of my mind. Sighing, I tore my gaze away and made my way to the bathroom.
Though my skin was clean, I still felt like there was a layer of dirt and blood clinging to me. I hadn’t noticed it before, not when Samian’s hands brushed against my skin or with Kieran’s deep voice rousing all sorts of sinful thoughts of the things he could do to me.
Don’t think about that, I chastised myself, rolling my shoulders.
I stopped in front of the bathtub, eyeing its depth. Glancing behind me, I listened to make sure my mates were still asleep. I could still hear their soft snores from the bedroom when I turned back to the tub. Ever since my first night in the dungeon, I hadn’t been able to get that moment out of my head, of Arianna pushing my head into the barrel, of the water burning my lungs. I couldn’t forget how it felt not being able to breathe, unable to pull my head out of that frigid water.
I forced myself to bathe just the other day, but after last night, bile rose in my throat at the thought of getting back in. After Arianna finished her lashing, she decided it wasn’t enough. That I needed to be “punished” more. She had ordered the guards to retrieve the barrel and fill it with water, then had her fun until I was pulled into the darkness.
Peering down at the tub, I shook off the memory, but the thought of being in that water felt too much. So instead, I found a washcloth and went to the sink. I let the water warm up before soaking the cloth and rubbing it along my body. It wasn’t themost thorough way to clean myself, but it was enough for now, until I found my courage to face the deeper water.
After washing myself, I dressed in a simple tunic and leggings, and braided my hair. As I was leaving the bathroom, I stopped short. I turned toward the mirror, my reflection catching my eye. I sucked in a breath and stepped closer. My eyes were greener now; only flecks of brown remained in them, and my hair was different. Quickly undoing my braid, I pulled my hair in front of me, running my fingers through the strands. They were now a dark golden brown, rather than my usual ashy color.
“It’s a sign that your seelie blood is growing.”
I jumped at the sound of Samian’s deep voice from the doorway. My head whipped toward him, my eyes wide. “Does that mean Ambrose will know what I am?”
“No, not necessarily,” Samian said, shaking his head. “He knows your magic was bound as a young child. There are many effects from being bound that early, and one of them is having muted features like hair and eye color.”
I looked back in the mirror, studying my reflection to find more differences. My eyes went straight to my ear, my hand following, caressing the part where it was becoming more arched, and I frowned. “What are the other effects?”
Samian came up behind me, his hands wrapping around my waist to pull me closer. He leaned down, placing a small kiss against my neck, and I closed my eyes, letting myself fall deeper into his arms. “It’s different for everyone, but the bound magic can attack one's body, acting like a disease or some type of ailment. It can make one feel weaker and also stunt growth and development if one is young enough.”
“I guess that’s why I’m so short,” I snorted. I opened my eyes, my gaze finding Samian’s. Amusement shone as he laughed.
“It could be, but it is hard to say what the effects were of binding your magic so young.”
“I do feel stronger since coming here,” I whispered.
“Good,” Kieran’s deep voice rumbled from the doorway. “That means you can practice tonight with us. Morgiana knows you need it.”
“Morgiana?”
“She’s a goddess of war, a death goddess, so to speak,” Samian answered.
“So, the fae believe in gods?” I asked, surprised.
“We do,” Samian answered. “In fact, we’ve met a few of them in the Seelie Court. You’ll probably meet one or two of them eventually, though they can be?—”
“Dicks,” Kieran finished, his nose wrinkling. “They’re dicks.”
Samian released a sigh, giving Kieran a pointed look. “Just because you managed to piss off every single one of them doesn’t mean they are terrible. It just means they don’t care for you.”
“Or you,” Kieran murmured, his face hardening.
I felt Samian flinch against my back, his eyes becoming clouded with distant memories. “What does that mean?” I asked softly.
“That is a story for another day,” Samian replied. “For now, Ambrose has called for us to join him in a meeting in an hour. We need to prepare. And,” Samian glanced at Kieran, “youneed to leave. You’ve been here longer than you should have.”
Kieran’s eyes flicked to mine and darkened. “And it was worth every minute,” he grinned. “But next time, I will letno onestop me from finishing what I started.”
Pulling me from Samian’s arms, Kieran’s lips found mine, giving me a deep and passionate kiss. By the time he was done, I was left stunned, my face was flushed, and my lips swollen.
Samian came up behind me, grumbling, pushing Kieran away from me and out of the bathroom. Alone, I looked back atthe mirror, focusing on the deep green reflecting back at me. A bittersweet feeling filled my heart at the change. It was another reminder of the place I could no longer call home, but now I wasn’t sure I’d want to return. Not after finding a family I could call my own.
“Remember,”Samian murmured through our bond, “don’t show Ambrose any emotion and don’t act like we are more than teacher and student.”
