“Yes, so don’t piss me off or I’ll tell him to eat you,” I said.
“Damn,” Oscar said, coming to stand next to Flynn.
We watched as Koinu did several other flips, his song joyous and celebratory. I wished I knew what he was saying. I only knew deep down that it was a happy song. Not for the first time, I considered getting in one of the rowboats and setting out to meet him. It was probably a terrible idea.
Probably.
To be fair, I had a history of far worse ideas.
“It feels good to be back, doesn’t it, Bash?” Oscar said.
Bash hummed, leaning forward to rest his arms on the edge of the ship. His eyes were bright with the promise of life that would have brought Billy to his knees. Wherever he was, I hoped he could see it. To see what we’d achieved.
“It really does,” he said.
I smiled, leaning my head against his arm, and Dilly huffed out a frustrated sigh as I lost my hold on the spyglass. I sighed and stood straight, making sure not to mess up her perfect drawing.
Koinu jumped again, this time doing a twist midair, earning claps from the crew.
“Out of grindylow territory,” the pirate in the crow’s nest yelled.
Koinu’s answering song was a beautiful serenade. Without the grindylows to keep off the ship, the crew of the wraith watched Koinu’s dance.
And that was more than enough.
Chapter twenty-nine
Loud is an Understatement
Bash
The sea takes without apology, yet when it chooses to give, it returns its gifts tenfold—though never in the shape you expect.
— The Mysterious Deep: A Comprehensive Understanding
The salty air beneath moonlight was everything I never dared to hope for again. The ocean waves glistened with the kiss of the moon, and I closed my eyes, letting myself think of Billy. He would have loved this.
Night on the ship was always his favorite. He said it was like being alone with the gods, more of a religious experience than anyone ever found in a church. Standing here now, with thewind pressing against me, I thought for the first time maybe he was right.
It turned out Billy was right about a lot of things.
He would have loved that too.
“Chasing the dead won’t heal the absence they leave.”
Inu was silent as the grave as she came up beside me. Swords sheathed, and quiet calm spilling from her.
“If I could lay him to rest, then I would, but it feels like every second there is something new I should have told him. A million things I should have thanked him for. An infinite amount of apologies I owe him.”
My voice was thick with grief, and there were very few people I was willing to let hear it. Inu knew more grief than most ever experienced in a lifetime, yet she was stronger for it. She overcame it and still found space inside her to love.
“Death is inevitable,” she said. “It is how one dies that matters. Billy does not linger on this ship. If ever someone could achieve peace in death, it would be him.”
“And yet I feel him everywhere,” I said, swallowing.
Sometimes the grief of losing the man who was a father to me felt like falling into a whirlpool. An abyss of endless grief with no end in sight. Then there were the times where, for a moment, I forgot he was gone, only to remember and feel that loss all over again.
“Grief is not linear, Captain.” Inu said, “It is circular–never finished.”
