It would also only break our hearts. She was about to fight one hell of a battle against everything this world stoodfor. What if she died? What if I died? That sort of heartbreak tore a person apart. I’d seen it happen to my mother.
As a succubus, she was supposed to have many partners and not love any of them. Lust was all that mattered. My father shouldn’t have been anything more than another one of her lovers, but he had been. Yet, as a salmaeri, he’d been called to war and died. And it had shattered her. She’d made sure to tell me, over and over, that love only led to pain, and I believed her.
Blazing hell, Mother would be so ashamed of me for being this tied up over a woman. Though, oddly, I had a suspicion that Izzy and my mother would get along great. Even so, Mom would scold me for falling for anyone, even someone she liked, like Izzy.
And what made matters all the worse was my mental connection to Izzy. I literally couldn’t get her out of my head. I’d caught a ton of stray thoughts last night. Her frustration, matched by her drive to help Myel. Her anxiety and worry for her bondmate. Then her rather stunning euphoria, which had invaded my dreams, then woken me in a sweat of desire. My dick had been so damned hard for so long. I’d had to get up and beat it down, fantasizing about — you guessed it — Izzy to get any sort of relief.
This was so messed up.
I was so messed up.
Izzy messed me up in ways I’d never imagined.
I banged my forehead with my fist, eyes clenched shut, somehow hoping the physical action would knock thoughts of Izzy out of my mind. It didn’t.
The thing was, I couldn’t really deny it any longer.
I had feelings for Izzy.
As strange and uncomfortable and abnormal as thatwas. I wanted her and only her and if I didn’t have her again soon, I might explode in frustration.
But first, I’d have to apologize for the wholescaryelfthing.
That would be fun.
Not.
Still, avoiding her hadn’t done anything. Like the old saying said, her absence had made my heart grow fonder. The part of the saying most people left out was how my blue-balls had gotten bluer.
I needed her. So. Damn. Bad.
I’d find her after this match and tell her as much. Even if I didn’t know what I’d say.
As for what would happen after that? I had no clue. But what other options did I have? Avoid her and be in agony or be with her and enjoy it while it lasted… then be in agony when I lost her or know she’d be in agony if she lost me. There were no good choices.
I stopped banging my head. All that had given me was a headache.
A voice rang out, saying the match was about to start.
The crowd hushed.
I opened my eyes and leaned forward.
“Come on, Myel, shred this bastard,” I whispered.
He needed to win, or I’d lose Izzy even before I’d had a chance to really be with her. Now I was evenmoreupset about that potential outcome.
Fuck me.
Just…
Fuck me.
MYELAS
I wasn’tsure if Izzy had done something to the guards on my cell — perhaps some lingering effect putting them to sleep — but they didn’t come in and beat me up before my match. I had to smile when this fact got them chewed out by Golana when she came to get me. I made sure to hide that smile when she entered the cell.
Golana saw me standing there, unbruised and clean as a whistle, and raised a brow.
