Once I’d had my fill, which was a lot — and Izzy was somehow still standing strong — I backed off and let her do what she’d come to do. We sat, and she got to work remaking me, enhancing me, making it so I could fight and win tomorrow.
“Why not… take me away, hide me from the world?” I asked now that my mind had cleared of the heavy fog which had bogged it down for so long. “Why remake me?”
“Huh…?” Izzy said, stopping the work she’d just started to give a confused little laugh. “I hadn’t even thought of that.” She seemed to consider the option. “Is that what you want? I’d figured you’d be free if you won this fight, and it’s better to be free than hidden away.”
She said it so matter-of-factly that I almost missed the significance of it.
She didn’t want to hide me from the world. She wanted me free, to be out in the world, even with everyone knowing we were bonded. I shouldn’t have been surprised, knowing Izzy, but I still was. I’d convinced myself, during my delirium, that Izzy had no more need of me, that I was useless, a burden.
And here she was, reminding meyet againthat that wasn’t the case.
Why did I always fall back on my fears so quickly, so easily?
It took Izzy time, and it was damned uncomfortable — sometimes downright painful — as shechangedme. I hissed and grunted and she apologized a lot, apparently she hadn’t fully mastered doing this yet and was learning as she went, but I didn’t mind. I would endure any pain for her, especially to get stronger. And frankly it was nothing compared to what I’d been put through these last two days.
To distract me from the pain and my dark thoughts, Izzy and I talked. It was an awkward conversation, happening in fits and starts. She was often too busy concentrating on her work, and I slid easily back into my own thoughts, trying to understand why my fears always returned to haunt me.
“I’m so sorry you have to endure all of this,” Izzy whispered. “This cell, those guards, the pain of this transformation… all for me.”
“I’d do anything for you,” I breathed, gasping as Izzy ran her hands over my wings, changing flesh and bone to strengthened steel.
Izzy sat back with a huff, perhaps needing a break. I flashed away my wings, since it hurt to have them partially transformed and exposed. When I vanished them, they didn’t bother me at all. That had been Izzy’s solution to the problem of joining steel to flesh. If she only transformed my wings, I’d be able to use them as shields or even weapons — since she was putting a razors edge on them — then put them away to avoid the pain. I’d also lose my ability to fly in my human or hybrid forms, but that wasn’t a huge loss, since I had other ways to travel. Also, it seemed my wings returned to normal as a bat, so I could still fly that way if needed.
“Are you sure it’s okay?” Izzy probed. “You’ve seemed so… distant lately.”
She’d noticed.
I sighed heavily. Here and now, in this disgusting dungeon, with both of us tired and our future hanging in the balance, didn’t seem like the best time to discuss this. But then, if I didn’t survive tomorrow, this might be our last and only time to talk.
Time to be strong: be honest.
“I’m worried that you’ll discard me, that you won’t need me once you’ve come into your power, once you’re queen.”
“What?” She sounded completely taken aback and shifted around to kneel on the grimy floor in front of me. “Why would you think that?” She grimaced. “Is this because of Safir?”
My mentor had mentioned — more than a few times — how much better off Izzy would be if she broke our bond.
I shook my head. “I’ve… always worried.” A faint, sad smile lifted my lips. “You’ve been such a blessing upon my life. But you have to understand, I’ve never had anything solid to hold on to. My life has always been a struggle. No one has ever given a shit about me. Well, that’s not true, Safir cared… but only insofar as I was useful to him. To everyone else… I’m an expendable pawn. I’ve never had any hope for a bright future… until you came along.”
She smiled softly, but I could see the sadness behind it. My words hit her hard. She hadn’t known the depths of despair I’d suffered before I’d met her.
“You give me hope, but… you’re an elf.” I didn’t mean to say the word with as much contempt as I did. “A royal.” I hung my head. “I’m nothing. I know you keep saying you want me in your life and you’ll keep me around, but… you’ve changed so much this past week. What if this world changes youtoo muchand you don’t see me the same anymore? You will always have the power to break our bond and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
She raised a hand to cup my cheek.
“I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure what you have,” she whispered, then leaned in and kissed me softly. My lips tingled, the bond thrumming contentedly between us. When she drew back, she continued, her face close, her scent of apples and cinnamon filling my senses.
“But you know I want to change this world, break down the power structure the elves have built and make sure everyone can live free and love who they want. You… know that, right?”
I nodded, but my lips were tight. “I know that’s what you wantnow… but what if you get a taste for power and…” I shrugged.
“Do you trust me that little? Do you really not know me?” She seemed hurt.
“I… want to trust you, want to believe you, but you have to understand the weight of this world and thousands of years of oppression.”
She nodded and sighed heavily. “Yes, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to question your faith in me. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been, living with the horrible traditions of this place.” Her gaze locked onto mine. “Which is why Ineedyou in my life, Myel.”
I raised a brow.
