He nodded.
“I… can’t. I can’t fail in my duty to protect her. I can’t distract myself from this.” He pointed at the floor, and I took his meaning. He needed to be right where he was, protecting her. “I can’t distract myself from what I’m meant to do.”
Huh.
“Okay buddy. I understand.” I didn’t really. He could protect her and be with her. Though being with Izzy wasone hellof a distraction, so I guess I understood that part.
Yet it pained me to see my friend tormented like this.
I patted his shoulder, gave him a reassuring nod, and moved away, but I couldn’t get that interaction out of my mind. Why couldn’t he protect her while he was with her?
It felt like the man was putting up barriers to his own happiness that didn’t need to be there. Perhaps I’d talk to Izzy about it and confirm she’d be okay with Koar as yet another lover. I had a feeling she wouldn’t mind.
That made me laugh as I found my own bed that night. It hadn’t been that long ago that I’d been torn up about the thought of Izzy being with others, but something had changed.
It didn’t take me long to realize what.
I’d left my family, left my old life and old ways behind. Izzy was my family now, and her joy and happiness was all that mattered. And I couldn’t deny that Myel made her happy, and as much as it pained me to admit it, Rook did too. Though I didn’t know why the incubus had pulled away from her. I had a feeling Izzy’s large heart would accept Koar into the fold as well. And if the big man made her happy, then I’d be happy too.
I tried to let that thought lull me to sleep, but another kept nagging at me. Koar was putting up barriers to his own happiness… was I doing the same?
For a while now I’d been hesitant to fully give myself toIzzy because of my past. I’d done horrible things in Saldrea’s name and that stain on my soul felt… wrong next to Izzy’s bold brightness. I’d hoped being close to Izzy would heal me, and in many ways she had, but I still kept a part of myself from her.
But… why?
Given what I’d seen and learned about Izzy, she’d probably accept me, all of me, even the dark parts… even if I still couldn’t.
Which meant… Iwasputting up barriers.
And the question which lingered in my mind as I tried to find some rest was: what did I need to do to get out of my own way and give Izzy the love she deserved?
I didn’t know yet, but I vowed to find out, for Izzy’s sake… and my own.
IZZY
It had only beena day since I’d been with Myel, but once again the stress of our separation had amplified the bond’s call. I needed him… and he was far away, probably in pain, suffering for my sake.
I needed to rest, so I could do everything in my power to help him, but I wouldn’t be able to rest until I’d done something about the bond’s call echoing deep within me.
And since I’d learned a hell of a lot about bindings in the last few hours, perhaps it was time I put that training to the test.
Most of what Lhorine had taught me had been about elvish binding, which was meant to limit another person in some way. The easiest way to think about it was like binding someone’s hands with rope. Magical binding worked the same way, only instead of limiting movement, they limited a person’s power in some way. We’d focused on that, and how the binding collars worked, and about breaking bindings, for most of the night. Yet, she’d also spent some time talking about the difference between a mating bond and elven binding.
A mate bond didn’t limit a person, instead it expanded a person’s awareness to include another person and bound them together. It did “limit” Myel and I a little, since we’d always have to sate the bond or we’d suffer… like I was now. But mostly a mate bond gave more than it took. It soothed the soul and elevated emotions. It warned of danger and connected the two individuals.
And it was that connection I sought now.
One of the distractions this past evening had been feeling his pain. I’d tried to ignore it, turn that part of the bond off so I could concentrate, but now I steeled myself and faced it, dove into it. I needed to connect with my bond-mate and to do that, I needed to fully commit to this link between us.
Tears leaked from my clamped shut eyes and whimpers escaped my lips as I sank into the agony Myel had endured. I gave myself over to that pain… and it was indeed horrific.
He’d been savagely beaten.
In addition to Golana’s punch, which had crushed his abdomen and destroyed organs, myriad other pains seared and throbbed and ached all over his body. And I felt it all as if it had happened to me.
I cried out, sobbing. I couldn’t help it.
But I hadn’t sought through our bond just to feel Myel’s pain. I’d hoped to help him, reach him, even though we were physically apart.
