“Pretend I know nothing about this world,” I said, frustrated. “What’s a binding collar?”
Lhorine answered. “Think of it like a slave collar, which also blocks a person’s magic.”
“Let me guess,” I grumbled. “An elven invention?”
Everyone nodded.
Of course.
“So, even if you get in to see Myel, the collar will keep any magic from working on him,” Olinara finished.
“Unless,” Lhorine inserted, and we all listened. “Elves can break the bindings on those collars too.” She gave me a pointed look.
Fuck, so I had two days to learn not only how to enhance and transmute Myel, but also to learn about bindings.
Yeah, sure, I can do that,I thought sarcastically.It’s not like I’ve only been in this world for a little more than a week.
Yet, I had to… for Myel… and because if he died, I’d soon follow.
Nothing like the fear of death to motivate you.
Time to get to work.
To hopefully lift my spirits and help me feel like I was making progress, we worked on something I was already good at for the rest of the morning. I’d have to be able to take the shape of the woman going to see Myel with little time to study her, so Olinara ran me through my paces with nymph transformations. We started with pictures from her vast library of forms. She’d flash them, and I’d mimic them as fast as I could. Once I got better at that, the others then called out minor adjustments, facial features or details, which I had to alter in an instant.
Finally, Grandma Oli taught me how to lock my form, like she had with Tala, so if anything happened, I wouldn’t change back to myself. It was more a meditation and metaphysical process than anything else, an inward seeking of permanence. That took me longer to master, but I forced myself to keep at it, forgoing lunch till it was done. That meant I did eventually master it, but also that lunch wasn’t until midafternoon.
I ate lunch quickly then was back at it, training with Lhorine. I didn’t know which I dreaded more, transmutation or bindings. I’d had one class on transmutation and it had hurt my brain so much I’d ended up snapping at Rook and Myel that night. That felt like a month ago, but it was only a couple days.
Wow.
Lhorine decided that we should focus on bindings first, for two reasons: it should come more naturally to me as anelf, and because if I couldn’t undo the binding on Myel’s collar, then everything else wouldn’t matter.
But I was distracted. There’d been a lot of talk — mostly from Safir — about breaking my mate bond with Myel and I couldn’t help but think that after I’d mastered this, that option would always be on the table, a looming threat to our relationship.
Finally, as afternoon turned to evening, then the edge of night — not that we could see any of that down here in this underground compound — Lhorine stopped, frustrated, and asked, “What’s wrong? You’re resisting this.”
So I told her.
She cocked her head and sighed. Leading me to a bench at the side of the room, we sat.
“Do love him, the shifter?” she asked.
I shrugged. “How would I know? The bond says I do, but without it…”
She nodded. “Better question: do you want to love him? Do you want this bond?”
I leaned forward, elbows on knees, head in hands and sighed as I considered that. No one had put it like that before. Up till now, I’d assumed the bond would always be there, so I’d accepted that. But if I had a choice…
A smile crept onto my lips slowly as I remembered all the times Myel and I had spent together. Yes, most of it had been steamy and sexually satisfying, but I’d also found a hell of a lot of comforting serenity in his arms. And even beyond that, he was a good man, strong and dedicated. Not just dedicated to me, but to his friends and his mission. It also helped that he was my vision of a beautiful Goth hero.
“I don’t want to lose him,” I whispered. “The bond is… infuriating at times, throwing us together when we may not always want it, but… I do want Myel in my life. I don’t know if Ilovehim, but I know I… I need him.”
“Then what’s the worry?” Lhorine asked. “Once you learn this, you’ll have all the control. If you don’t want to break the bond, you can keep it.”
Yet I couldn’t help but voice my doubts. “What if… I… get angry at Myel though… or the bond? What if I break it without thinking or something like that?”
Lhorine laughed. “If you do that, you’ll be stronger than any elf I’ve ever heard of. Bindings aren’t easy for anyone. Breaking onewithout thinkingis pretty damned hard.”
