That night Bella sleptfeeling Boyd's presence beside her.At first, she thought it was a dream until she opened her eyes and saw his arm around her waist and felt his body flush against hers.He was sound asleep, his face relaxed, his breathing even.His front curled around her back.
The next time she woke, it was daylight and she was alone although his side of the bed was creased and his scent of lye soap and leather lingered.She washed and dressed, and only discovered his absence when she'd ventured downstairs to help with the morning meal preparations.
"The laird left at first light," Mrs.Anders said gently, her eyes sympathetic."Clan matters in the western territories.He'll be gone a month, perhaps longer."
Bella had simply nodded, kept her face carefully neutral, and asked what needed to be done in the kitchens.
She hadn't let herself feel the sharp stab of disappointment that Boyd had abandoned her once again.He had snuck out of her bed with nary a word.Bella hadn't acknowledged the hollow ache in her chest at the realization that Boyd couldn't even be bothered to tell her he was leaving.Was her presence so revolting, so disturbing to him?
It was better this way; she told herself firmly.His absence meant she wouldn't have to time her movements around his schedule, wouldn't have to hold her breath every time she turned a corner for fear of running into him.Wouldn't have to endure those cold blue eyes that looked at her with such contempt.
At least now she had one less thing to worry about.
"But here, this is for ye," Mrs.Anders said, pressing a small purse of coins into her hand.
"What is this?"
"Yer husband said 'tis for whatever ye wish."
Bella was stunned.It wasn't a fortune, but it was far more money than Bella had possessed in ten years.
"For supplies for the Keep?"Bella asked.
"No, mistress.'Tis for whatever ye please.Ye ken, if ye want to buy anything for yer own use.There's a Market Day at the village every fortnight.There might be items ye can buy from the stalls.'Tis for yer own indulgence."
Bella stared at the coins.Her father and Bryce had controlled all her finances.Even at the abbey she had to work to pay her way.No one had ever just handed her a large amount of coin for her own spending.But Boyd, who supposedly despised her, did not hold back in his generosity.Bella was discovering her husband was quite contrary in his manner.
"'Tis too much, Mrs.Anders, I dinnae need anything."
"Mistress, whether ye need it or not, 'tis yers to do with as ye please.The laird would have given it to ye directly, but he left so early this morn he said he did not want to wake ye, so he asked me to do it, and I have done my duty."
Bella smiled and thanked her and decided perhaps she would go to the next Market Day and peruse the stalls.
***
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS, Bella threw herself into work with single-minded determination.
She rose before dawn each morning, when the Keep was still dark and quiet, and managed the domestic side of things with quiet efficiency.So much so, Mrs.Anders and the Keep staff were able to rotate two half days off each week.Something the overworked servants desperately needed.Together they reviewed the household accounts, planned meals, organized the servants' duties, and ensured everything ran smoothly.
The work was satisfying in a way Bella hadn't expected.At the abbey, she'd had her routines and responsibilities, but here she was actually needed.The Keep had been run a little haphazardly for so long that many of the finer details had been overlooked.
Bella attended to it all.
During the day, she worked alongside the servants.At night, she retired to her chamber and went over lists of what was required for the following day.
Keeping busy, doing things with her hands also kept the demons at bay.Her demons were the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her if she sat idle for too long.
Thoughts of Boyd.
Of where he was.What he was doing.Who he was with.
Whether he had a leman tucked away in some other clan.Whether he was sharing another woman's bed, giving her the tenderness and passion he'd once promised Bella.
These images tortured her in the dark hours before sleep finally claimed her.
So, Bella worked until she was so exhausted that when she finally fell into bed each night, she had barely enough energy to eat a light meal before sleep dragged her under like a stone.
It was better than thinking.
