Colton desperately wanted to hold Dean’s hand and show the world that he was with him, but he knew the dangers. One photo could start a firestorm. He shoved his hands into his pockets to avoid the temptation before noticing that Deanwas preoccupied. Something was running through his head, the wheels definitely turning.
It was probably nothing, but Colton had to ask.
“Looks like you’re thinking awfully hard over there. What’s up?”
Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing…just, Colton? I wanted to ask you. Are we exclusive?”
Colton lifted an eyebrow. “You mean, not seeing other people?”
“Yes. I mean, I’m not seeing anyone but you, and I have no interest in seeing anyone else.”
“Same.” Colton smiled. “I have no interest in anyone but you. You’re the only person I care about.” Dean looked at him, like a bashful puppy, “I wish I could hold your hand right now.”
Colton laughed. “Me too! That’s why I have my hands in my pockets, to keep from grabbing you.”
“I was wondering about that.” Dean snickered.
“So…should we make it official?” Dean paused. “Should we put a label on it? Are you my boyfriend?”
Colton smiled a huge goofy grin and looked out across the water. “Hmmm…I’m your boyfriend. I like the sound of that!”
“So, it’s official then? We’re dating?”
“Yes. I am proud to be your boyfriend, Dean.” Colton grinned, lifting his chin.
Dean sighed. “I know we can’t go public or anything like that. I mean, we’ve never even been on a real date but I just wanted to be sure we were on the same page.”
Colton hadn’t actually thought about that, having to make a public proclamation about their relationship. He wished he could shout it from the top of Levi’s Stadium, confessing his love for Dean, but it wasn’t that simple, he knew that. It wasn’t as easy as disclosing a relationship with a woman. This type ofannouncement would certainly come with consequences, and a whole shitload of media coverage.
Being with Dean was fun as hell. He’d never laughed more in his life. And Colton had never enjoyed sex as much as he had with Dean. He could see this as a forever thing, and he liked it. But he couldn’t make a public statement, at least not yet.
Was it fair to Dean to be in a secret relationship? To be hidden? Sure, it was safe for Colton, for his career, but what about Dean? His feelings and well-being were just as important. Dean was free, out, and proud. It wasn’t fair to put him in a cage of secrecy. How could they do this? Could they make it work? Colton desperately wanted to, but there was a lot to consider.
He led Dean over to a bench on the side of the pathway. “We’re definitely on the same page. I wish we could make a public statement,” —Colton sat before continuing— “but I’m petrified at the thought of what might happen.” He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands.
“I know, Colton. It’s not simple or easy. It’s okay,” Dean said with a look of concern. “You have a valid reason to be worried.”
Over the past two years, two other players had publicly come out while actively playing in the league.
Both their teams, and the league, released statements of support for the players, praising them for their bravery, but it turned out to be just a thinly veiled marketing and PR ploy, because at the end of the season, both players were cut from their rosters. No other teams picked them up and neither of them ever played the game again.
“Football is my life.” Colton sighed. “I don’t know how to do anything else. If I came out publicly with our relationship, and they cut me from the team, I would be completely devastated.”
***
Dean
Dean desperately wanted to hug him in that moment. He knew it would kill Colton if he couldn’t play the game he loved. Not to mention the millions of dollars he could potentially lose in endorsement deals.
“I know, baby, and I’m completely fine with the way things are. We don’t have to say anything to anyone. As long as you keep feeding me that beautiful cock of yours, I’m as happy as can be.”
Colton chuckled, elbowing Dean’s ribs. “You’re such an idiot!”
“But I have to say,” Dean continued, “you’re ColtonfuckingMerrick, the star of the team. That has to count for something, right?”
Dean was hoping this would make Colton feel a little more at ease. But based on the tension in his body and the look on his face, he didn’t think it was working.
“I know you’re right, Dean. I know I am a valuable part of the team. But I’m too scared to jeopardize that right now. I hope you can understand that.”
