Colton smiled and touched Dean’s arm. “It’s no problem. It sounds like you needed to talk about it. I’m always here when you need to talk.”
***
Colton
Dean slowly began rubbing his feet again and Colton sighed. Everything about this felt perfect…sitting on the roof with Dean, having his feet rubbed, talking with his best friend.
He wondered, could he talk to Dean about what he’d been feeling? Would it make things awkward between them? He would never forgive himself if that happened and their friendship suffered.
But his curiosity was growing, and he had to know, so he bit the bullet and asked. “Dean, can I ask you a personal question?”
Dean continued rubbing his feet, but gave him a confused look. “Of course. What do you want to know?”
Colton nervously inhaled and stared at his knees. “How did you know you were gay?” He slowly lifted his eyes to Dean.
“I like sucking dick. That’s how I know.” Dean grinned devilishly.
Colton huffed and rolled his eyes. “I’m serious, Dean. Tell me. How did you know? What were the signs?”
Dean flattened his smile, realizing Colton was serious. “There were a few things.” He stared out at the horizon, thinking, still rubbing Colton’s sore feet. “When I was in middle school, I played sports, but I also played in the band and orchestra. While the other boys were talking about girls and doing their best to hang around girls they liked, I was only interested in hanging out with boys. I never saw anything attractive about a girl, although several tried to flirt with me. I found myself, more and more, noticing other boys…their faces, smiles, bodies, and their muscles. Over the course of that school year, I realized I was admiring physical features of other boys, but I was never drawn to girls in the same way. I started developing feelings for some of the boys I spent time with and that kinda sold it for me.”
Dean glanced over to find Colton completely fixated on him and what he was saying.
“There was this one boy. He was in the band, played the drums, and was one year older than me. He was always so nice to me, and so funny. He made me laugh constantly. He got me in trouble more than once by making me laugh during rehearsals.” Dean grinned, remembering those moments.
“When I would walk into the room and see him, I would catch my breath, and my heart would flutter. At first, I thought I had a heart problem. Like, legit thought I needed to see a doctor.” Dean smiled at Colton when he laughed.
“And I found that anytime we were in the same room, all I wanted was to be as close to him as I possibly could…stand next to him, sit by him, anything to be near him. I wanted to talk tohim, laugh at his jokes, and make him laugh in return. And one day it clicked. I had a crush on him, I liked him. I liked him the way some of my friends liked girls, and the way girls liked boys.”
Dean looked at Colton and placed his hands on the top of his feet. “At first, I was embarrassed, scared even. In the south, in church, all you hear is ‘homosexuality is a sin, and you’re going straight to Hell.’ But I knew my feelings weren’t wrong, and I knew the Bible was just a book written by a bunch of old men, so I embraced myself for who I was, who I am. I knew my crush didn’t feel that way about me, but that didn’t matter. He had helped me realize who I was and what lights my fire.”
“I guess, in a nutshell, I knew I was gay when I found myself physically and emotionally attracted to another boy. And I realized I had never had those same feelings for any girl.”
Dean grinned widely at Colton. “And the rest, as they say, is history.”
Colton laughed and poked Dean with his toe. “You’re such a dork.”
Dean was still smiling while expertly massaging his feet, but Colton’s smile faltered as his mind bounced in multiple directions. Everything Dean said, what he felt when he learned he was gay, was going on within Colton. Colton had never felt those feelings for another guy, but he definitely felt them for Dean. Maybe he wasn’t gay…maybe bisexual? But still, there was only one man who’d ever stirred these feelings within him.
Colton chuckled to himself…maybe he was ‘Dean-sexual’.
“Thank you for telling me.” Colton said as he gently rubbed his toes against Dean’s shirt and belly.
Dean gave Colton a doe-eyed look. “Anytime. For you, I’m an open book. Anything you want to know, just ask.”
Colton sighed, content, and decided to not mire himself in worry any longer.
He wasn’t hurting anyone. Dean wasn’t hurting anyone.
It was okay for him to have these feelings. It was nobody’s fucking business. He just needed to enjoy this moment with Dean.
He relaxed into his chaise and lost himself in the sensation of his foot rub. “That feels wonderful, Dean. Thank you. Sophie never once rubbed my feet after a practice. Come to think of it, she never asked me about my day either.”
Dean smiled. “Well, she missed out! I think a man’s feet are probably the sexiest part of his body, aside from the obvious parts, ya know.” He grinned, before adding, “And you have really sexy feet Colton.”
“Stop it!” Colton hissed, feeling a wave of heat crawl up his neck. “Are you hitting on me?”
“Nah. Just helping a friend and enjoying his sexy feet. No biggie!”
