I lay everything out again. This time I’m closer to the water, the sea is barely moving right now. Safe enough.
I finally sit down. I stare at the sea, taking slow sips from the bitter wine, but my mind keeps drifting back to Sophia.
It isn’t fair. None of it is fucking fair.
Why did my overthinking have to be right? I always overthink. I always imagine the worst. Always scare myself with scenarios that probably won’t happen.
Except this time… they did.
Exactly the way I feared. It feels like my own brain betrayed me by predicting the truth.
What did I do so wrong?
Why didn’t she talk to me?
Why didn’t she just say she wasn’t happy?
Why didn’t she tell me she wanted something else?
Someoneelse?
If she didn’t want me, we could’ve broken up. We could’ve talked. We could’ve fixed it or ended it cleanly.
Instead she toldhim.
She flirted withhim.
She insulted me tohisface.
And I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m inexperienced. It was my first relationship.
I was learning everything from scratch, how to communicate, how to be supportive, how to love someone out loud without feeling embarrassed.
But I swear, I tried. Every day. I did my best.
Even when I didn’t know what "best" looked like.
I wipe my face with my sleeve, frustrated at the tears I don’t want to shed.
The way she acted, especially with Gio, the way she so openly flirted… it felt like she stabbed me in the chest.
And for what? Because he is Gio??
Because he is wild and confident and… looks like that?
It isn’t like I didn’t try. I always took care of her, noticed the smallest things about her, remembered her favorite ice cream flavor, her favorite places.
I mean, fine, I don’t have Gio’s huge biceps or his height or his irritating fucking swagger, but I’m not ugly.
Girls flirt with me all the time. She knows that.
She knows how often I reject people.
I choose her every single time, without hesitation.
And what did she do? She told him about our sex life.
Of all people walking on Earth, she picked the one person who treats my dignity like a chew toy.
