He knew it was.
He just didn’t want to hear it out loud.
"What?"
I don’t back down. "I mean," I say, quietly, carefully, "we don’t really talk about it. But we both know it’s coming."
He looks down.
"I’m not trying to ruin anything," I add quickly. "I’m not trying to end it, I just… I need to know what this is. What we’re pretending it isn’t. I know I’m not staying, and you’re definitely not coming with me. So what are we even doing?"
He’s not happy. I can see it. And for some reason it makes me feel like maybe I matter more than he wants to admit.
It also makes me want to throw up, because what the hell do we even do with that now?
It’s selfish, I know, but a part of me wants him to miss me so bad it hurts, the same way I’m already hurting.
"For now?" he says finally. "I guess we’re just… in it. That’s all."
We’re in it. That’s all this is. Just in it.
Do I want to cry? Yeah. Badly.
Because I want more. But of course I know better.
I know this can’t be anything else. Just two hungry bodies.
I search his face. "Right. Just physical."
He nods. "No thinking. No planning. Just this. This summer."
"And when it ends?"
His jaw tightens. "Then it ends."
I bite the inside of my cheek. "It’s not supposed to last, Rava. We weren’t made for that. You have a life. A whole damn country waiting for you."
I look at him. "And you?"
He shrugs. "I’m not part of the future. I never was. I don’t even pretend."
"So we’re just… fucking our way through the calendar?"
He gives me a small, crooked smile. "Don’t make it sound ugly."
I smile back. Itisugly. Really fucking ugly.
But I’ll get over it. I guess it’s easier to survive something you never fully had in the first place. He pulls back just enough to look at me. "Okay. So let’s make a deal."
"A deal?"
He nods. "Yeah. Two months. That’s what we’ve got, right?"
I nod slowly. "So we stay in it. We enjoy it. No pressure, no… delusions."
I study his face.
He keeps going. "We don’t fall in love. We don’t say it. We don’t let it get to that point."
