So I shut up. I drive.
I’ll cry later if I have to. Alone. Like always.
He’ll never be mine, and I have to stop acting like there’s even a fucking chance.
Lorenzo leans up between the seats. "Rava, if you don’t find anyone at the club tonight, don’t stress. We can always make out."
I’m going to strangle my own cousin.
He’s doing this on purpose.
He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s throwing himself at Rava just to watch me lose it. It’s insane. He’s manifesting images in my head I don’t need.
"Sure," Rava says calmly. "Sounds fun."
My phone lights up against my thigh.
I glance down.
It’s Lorenzo. I tilt the screen away from Rava.
LORENZO:
-if that made you uncomfortable, make your goddamn move. bc what I just said as a joke? someone else could say it to him tomorrow, for real this time. They won’t give a shit about your ass.
Fuck. The thought makes me want to throw up. Because if some random guy touches him first, kisses him first, gets him first while I sit here pretending I don’t care, that’ll break me.
And I’ll have no one to blame but myself.
…
We squeeze into the entrance through all these bodies. Music punches through my ribs. The place is a massive open-roof fever dream.
Blue lights, red lights, silhouettes grinding on each other.
One word.
Horny. It looks horny. Itfeelshorny.
Like we walked into someone’s wet dream by mistake. I put my hand on Rava’s back and push him forward through the crowd, and because I’m not trying to get murdered later, I do the same to Lorenzo.
Equal opportunity touching.
Can’t have Rava saying I only put my hands on him.
Even though Idid.
And I wanted to.
I’ll probably do it again because my brain is not my friend.
Rava’s still pissed. He doesn’t even look at me.
Great. Amazing night ahead.
Him with that angry face and me acting like a starving hawk circling his head. I know exactly how many people are going to look at him tonight and think, ‘goddamn, who’s that pretty boy with the attitude?’
And my delusional brain is absolutely not ready to see him pressed up against someone else.
