Why did I choose that guy to overshare to.
Why did I speak to a stranger at all.
Every time I try to be social, the universe punishes me. I bury my face in my hands. I can feel my ears burning. Next time I think about opening my mouth in public, someone please just pour the wine over my head and reboot me.
I look between them, Gio, Lorenzo, Gio again.
My mouth is dry. My brain is melting. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but Gio beats me to it.
His voice cuts clean. "Nice to see you are having fun, Rava."
And that is it.
No greeting. No grin. No teasing smirk. Nothing.
What the hell?
What happened now?
What did I do this time?
Why does everyone react like this?
Like something flips in their head and suddenly I am ice they are not allowed to touch?
Is it me?
Did I say something wrong yesterday?
Did I not say enough?
Did I hug him for too long?
Did I not hug him enough?
He does not even look at me. Does not nudge my shoulder like he usually does. Just nothing. I would rather he yelled at me.
I would rather we fight right here, in front of everyone, than feel this weird cold wall between us.
I am actually angry now.
Why is it so easy for people to shut down instead of just telling me what is wrong?
If you are mad, just say you are fucking mad! If you regret the kiss, say you regret it. If you do not want me around, just fucking say it.
Do not freeze me out and act like I do not exist.
It makes me feel pathetic, standing here waiting for a glance that does not come.
I bite the inside of my cheek and look away, like I do not care. Lorenzo stands up, adjusts his shirt, and looks down at me. "Well. This was fun." He smiles again. "Lovely to meet you, Rava."
And then he is gone too. I sit there. My heart is pounding so loud I can barely hear the music anymore.
I have never felt so exposed. So stupid. So fucking small.
40) Terrified
Gio
